This one gal had never had sex before. Her name was Virginia, but when children tried to say her name it sounded like "Vagina."
Anyway, they both met somewhere in Nebraska; they were both from New York or Boston or Chicago. They were both quite good looking. Mr Dick had perfect eyebrows and a nice nose and his hair did not have an air of pretentiousness to it.
Vagina had a shy smile that made your fucking heart sink and fall in love. She did this thing where she would look you in the eyes and then lower her gaze as if she had fucked up--shaking her head a little.
Anyway, they were in South Dakota on business and they met at a McDonald's by chance.
"Hello, I'm not from around here. Would you happen to know where I can buy a Lamborghini? I like to drive fast." Dick.
"Excuse me... are you hitting on me? Just because I'm from Indiana doesn't mean I'm going to fawn over the first guy from California that hits on me you know?"
"I'm from New York."
"I'm supposed to be impressed? Hell, even I'm from New York."
"I can tell, actually." Dick smiled. "I'm Will. What the hell are you doing out here in North Dakota?"
"Business." She smiled and then looked down.
"Why are we in a Burger King right now?"
"No clue. Wanna take a drive in my car? It goes fast, and there are plenty of long roads here in Montana." Vagina.
The girl was cool and let the guy drive her fast car and he drove it fast as hell. The guy was happy and the girl was happy because he was happy and because she had made someone happy, if not, at least, for a little bit.
They ended up somewhere in the mountains of Wyoming. The sun was going down or up and it was all very cool. She parked the car somewhere cool.
"Isn't all of this lovely? Meeting each other randomly in Missouri and we're both from New York."
"Yea... it's great!"
"You seem pretty cool, Will."
"Don't we all?"
"Maybe we are though." And Vagina gave her sweet smile. Dick leaned in for a kiss.
"Hah! You wish! And I wish too, but let's not. Let's go to Mount Rushmore instead."
So they went to Mount Rushmore, which was only two minutes away. They stood on the mountainous busts of ex-presidents. Vagina took hold of Dick's hand and cuddled up against him; they were about the same height.
"Did you hear about how the world is ending?" Vag asked.
"Yea, I just heard about that. It's supposed to end today. The world is gonna end today. It's all just going to stop."
Well, the sun started setting on the hills of Idaho and Michigan. Far off, they could see cities crumbling and people dying. Even further away, they saw stars exploding and the universe imploding.
"Well, it's all going to shit," she said. "Maybe it's all for the best."
"What would you do, if you could do anything, right now?" Dick says. "I know, at the moment, we can't just do anything... we don't have the resources. But, if you could choose anything, what would you do?"
"Maybe some drugs or alcohol. I would want to be at the pinnacle of an insane drug or alcohol high. Just be beyond happy. Beyond what normal dopamine can do. I would want an insanely huge orgasm too."
Right there, in the middle of Montana, some drugs fell from the sky like manna. A voice boomed over the heavens, "eat, and be merry."
The two idiots gobbled up the drugs and felt amazing. The whole world was crashing around them and they began having sex. They must have been on MDMA or something because everything felt more amazing... but, then again, they were both virgins, so what did they know?
She moaned her brain off.
He grunted like the caveman he was.
Her tits all up in his face.
His dick all up inside her.
The whole universe came crashing into them, and they disappeared. They disappeared all embraced as fuck and shit.
They woke up in some fields all alone but together. The fields were happy; they were like the fields in Howl's Moving Castle. Everything was like living in some nostalgic wonderland of happiness and they didn't know anything else.
Nothing was corrupted.
Nothing was spoiled.
Nothing was tainted.
Nothing was rotten.
Nothing was ugly.
Nothing was shit.
Nothin' was bad.
Everything was rad.
Everything was good.
Everything was perfect.
Everything was beautiful,
And everything was forever.
