Peter looks up at the ceiling, as he lies in bed in his cool, forest green suit that never gets dirty or old, "Motherfuck," he whispers to himself staring blankly upward.
"Peter! It's Tinker! Get up! Let's do something! Let's go out over the sea and sit on some clouds!"
Whatever happened to me? thinks Peter, I feel fine, though.
"Peter?"
"Why the fuck don't you just fly the fuck in here?! Fly through a crack or whatever the fuck you want? You come in here without knocking most of the time anyway! Come in! Come in! For fuck's sake!" Fuck, Peter thinks, Maybe I'm being a bit rude today. I feel fine and good and happy though.
Tinker Bell flies in through some crack or something and twirls around and gold fairy dust goes everywhere, "It's your birthday! You're 35! Are you happy?" She flies around and around in giddy circles and squares and triangles and rhombuses, "I love you, Peter Pan! The love of my life!" She flies right over and above Peter.Peter sits up, "35, huh? Yea, nice."
She falls down and sits on one of his knees, "Are we gonna spend all day together today? You said, you said, you said we would," a big ole fucking smile, and she looks perfect and blonde and sparkly, and Peter just loves her.
"You know I love you, but I think I might take a couple hours for myself, but I'll find you, and we can spend the rest of the day together. What time is it?"
"It's 7am in Neverland, baby," smiles, smiles, smiles, and glittering perfect teeth and upturned luscious, pink lips.
"Fuck. It's early, huh?"
"Still don't want to grow up? I won't grow up, if you don't want to grow up, Peter, but lots of people have been growing up recently."
"Huh? Fuck no. Of course fuck no. I'll never fucking grow up," Peter kinda just staring ahead and thinking about something faraway.
"Well, hey, fine. You can have your time to yourself, and take your time, but..." she smiles slightly and mischievously, and her eye lids narrow, and her eyes glow blue and green, like she's thinking about what you know she's thinking about. "Can I use my pixie dust to grow to your size so we can make it?" She knows there's only one answer to this.
"Tink, why don't you always stay human size so we can make it all the time?"
"No. But right now, let's do it."And our minds wander, and when they're done Tinker Bell shrinks again and flies away--flies away away away away away away and around and forever around and loving Peter Pan. Peter gets dressed green, flings his body out of his green, great tree house, and flies fast up into the sky. His hair is golden, his body is young, and the sun is soft and forgiving on this day, and the day is beautiful as is not uncommon in Neverland.
Peter lands on some clouds and relaxes, "Why the fuck should I grow up?" He says aloud. He throws his hands behind his head, relaxes, and falls asleep again...
As is well known, Peter Pan often travels to the land of dreams, and he has the ability to be conscious of the fact that he is there.
...Peter wakes up in Dreamland. He is standing atop the pointed tip of a very tall skyscraper; he looks down and everything looks small, and the land is all grey squares, and it looks like a maze. He looks for the sun and sees a grey circle in the sky. He pushes off the building and gently begins to float down to where everybody else is, and he begins to hear whispers, here and there, "Peter's back. Peter's back."
As he is wont to do, after he touches down gently, Peter wanders into an alleyway and looks for friends to see what's going on.
After a couple hundred years of wandering around the maze and thinking about everything there is to think about, Peter sees an old cat friend. His old friend doesn't seem to be doing too well.
"Hey Pete," she mumbles as she straightens herself out. She was just scavenging for rat or mice bones. "You hear for long?"
"Hey Jaide. Nah. I should be waking up soon. It's good to be back, though. Things seem kinda the same around here. I've been walking around for a couple years just now."
"Ah. I see. That's cool." Jaide looks around, as if she wishes Peter would just leave already so she could continue to look for bones and shit. She cocks her head down and her eyes kind of just wander around; she won't make any more effort to entertain Pete.
Pan looks at her, noticing what she is doing, and now he won't let her go on about her day without her explicitly saying she's going to leave or wants him to leave. Neither says anything.
Finally, "What? It's my fault I don't want to grow up?"
"What do you want here Peter?"
"Hell, you do whatever you want, but why should I have to grow up, if I don't want to?"
"Everybody grows up, and you think you can just fuck off and do nothing and just play around your whole life? You're thirty-five now. Don't you think you should fucking grow up?" Jaide looks Peter in the eyes. She's not really mad, but rather, she is looking for answers--she's miserable you see?
"I don't think I have to do anything. Shit, if you don't wanna be looking for fucking dead rats, why don't you stop and come hang out with me and the Lost Boys?"
"You have to grow up Pete. Everybody does," resignedly, and her face becomes literally downcast.
Peter Pan starts to get fed up with Jaide, "Listen, go fuck yourself, ya? You want me to grow up to make you feel better about yourself--about the decisions you've made in your life. Well, I'm not going to 'grow up!' I don't have to, and you didn't have to, so go scrounge up your fucking skeleton rats and suck the fucking meat off of them. Go eat the scraps that you have earned by 'growing up!'" And Pan started getting a little bit heated, "Go home and go fuck your pussy husband and you can both be pussies. What is growing up? Not 'rocking the boat?' And who says not to do that? This weird gray world? Well fuck it. I'm not going to do what people tell me to do just because it's what you're 'supposed' to do. I won't have a metaphorical or real tyrant rule my life. I am free. I have always been told I am not free and that I have to follow all the rules. Well, no I don't! I won't have someone trying to make me feel guilty. I have dealt with that since I was in kindergarten. People telling me what to do and looking at me like I'm some kind of fucking misfit. I'm through taking that kind of shit. God is my only God. You go play grown ups, and don't try to make me feel bad about living the way I want to live. Do you see me doing that to you? You know what? Some people are naturals at that sort of thing--getting married. Some people force it. Some people are forced. I happen to be a free spirit. I AM FREE. I can't be tied down, for some reason. I'm sorry about that. I don't know if I'll ever change. If ever I do change, I hope it's because I want to, and because it's the right and good thing to do. You fucking succumbed to what you thought you were supposed to do, and now you want to make me feel bad about it, so you want me to do it too, to vindicate yourself. Some friend you are. Go fuck off, and apologize to me when you're ready."
Little Jaide Cat just stared at the ground. "I'm sorry Pete... some of us... just don't know what to do, and we get lonely... and well fuck it. Some of us don't have many options..."
"We all have options."
"Ya, but you've never been as lonely as some of us have been."
"Well, then shit man, don't complain about it, at least. If you were so lonely, you should have realized that and made a plan and stuck to it."
"Easier said than done, and now all of that is in the past, and there is nothing I can do about it."
"Right. I'm sorry."
"What can I do?" She pleads with her eyes into Peter's eyes.
Peter thinks. And then finally, "You put yourself in a tough situation Pussy. All is not lost, though. To get out of a tough situation, we can only expect that it is going to be tough, no? Yes. Do what I tell you to do and things well get better. It is going to be hard, but if you don't do it, then just enjoy your life as it is. Drink wine at night, and try to fall in love with the life you have chosen all over again; soak it in. Marinate in that shit."
"What is it? Tell me what to do, and I will try to do it."
"You're going to be disappointed by my advice, but I guarantee you it will work. If it does not work, I will be your slave servant and get married or whatever. Here it is and do them in this order: read all of Plato's works and take notes, then read the Bible. Do not take notes, but rather try to enjoy the stories and history and teachings--really try to enjoy it. Then read Augustine's Confessions and take notes. Then read all of Hemingway's work. Then read Catcher in the Rye, and then, watch all of the episodes of LOST, and then watch every single movie Christian Bale and Daniel Day-Lewis have ever been in. After this, watch and thoroughly enjoy every episode of Breaking Bad. When you finish doing all of this, I will give you suggestions on more books to read, and you will read them and write your own original short stories concurrently. I will also give you books on different philosophies to read. After all of this, you will watch every episode of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm. Finally, the last thing you will do is watch every stand up comedy act that Louis C.K. has done, and watch every episode of Louie. I guarantee you that you will know what to do, know how to feel, and be a much more, if not fully, content person. You won't have these odd shitty feelings you have of resentment and desperation as much, and if you do you will learn to appreciate them and know how to handle them. You think I don't go through shit, but I do." Pan gives her his biggest smile, "I believe in you Jaide!" And he gives her a great, big hug. As he pulls away, Jaide sees that Peter has gotten teary eyed.
"You're fucking crazy Peter." Now she is crying tears of happiness. For some reason she is full of joy and hope. "I don't know if I can do all that shit Pete, but I'll try, you weird fuck." She hugs Peter Pan and gives him a sweet kiss on the cheek.
"Be well babe. I'm outta here. We'll catch up soon."
Jaide runs off and around a corner and Peter Pan leans back against a grimy, alleyway wall, "Fuck man," he mutters to himself and then smiles.
Marriage, kids, a job, it all crosses his mind, as he gets lost in the view of the silver clouds. Those things might be nice he muses, maybe some day. He muses some more: I just really don't like people assuming that I'm going to be like every body else. Don't talk back to or challenge authority. Don't rock the boat. Don't change your mind. Don't say or think weird fucking things like, "Blow jobs are so weird! There's like totally another person sucking your dick off! Their whole face is in your crotch! And your balls are like right there! And the girl touches and licks them! It's absolutely INSANE! Who made that up! It was like, 'Hey girl I wanna see if it feels good if you put your whole mouth on my cock. Would you mind?' And the girl is all like, 'Uh, sure, but then you gotta lick my butt hole to see if that feels good for me.' Ok, deal!"
What am I to do he ponders. I have always grown up with such freedom, and I am supposed to just follow the masses, because... just because? I feel fine doing things my way, he figures out. Convinced, and his feelings are true, he admits to himself, "I feel fine."
Back in Neverland, Peter wakes up peppy and happy and rushes to find the sexy little Tinker Bell. He finds her.
Tinkerbell exclaims, "Yay! You're all mine for the rest of the day and all night!"
Peter Pan is happy, "There is no rush, baby. No rush at all. Life is far too short for there to be any rush at all." He grabs a hold of her hand (she's back to human size again), she is wearing her green sparkly mini skirt, with the super low neckline that shows how wonderful her breasts are, and they walk to a beautiful park to enjoy the sunset in Neverland, as they make out under the awakening stars.
