What Is The Meaning Of All Of This?

There is another reality separate from the one we know.  The other reality is truer than this one and was around before this one.  Over there it makes sense that God has existed before after and after before and forever in between: "I AM THAT I AM."

God decided to create this crazy world for some reason known to God, but not, now, known to us: "Can you by searching find out God?"  No.

God blasted out our existence in the Big Bang.

Maybe trillions of years went by...
Maybe billions of years went by...
Maybe millions of years went by...
Maybe thousands of years went by...
Maybe hundreds of years went by...

And then man and woman begot each other and started pondering the oddities of existence--oddities to us.  The same oddities need not be absurdities, and, also, need not be contradictions though--unless one does not believe in a divine creator.

For the most part, we all end up confused as to what the fuck is going on here.

It is like when all your friends are getting drunk and you're like "ya! fuck it! i want in!" and then you end up in jail.  Or like when all your friends are smoking weed and you're like "ya! fuck it! i want in!" and then you end up high as fuck and scared as hell and then you have anxiety for the rest of your life.  Confounding!

God was thinking: Yes, I made man and woman.  One pokes the other with his dick between her legs and they both feel bomb.  I made the raddest feeling ever!  An orgasm!  Now even if they don't want to have babies they'll at least fuck and propagate on accident!  Look at them go!  I blew their minds with sex!  Haha!

And so we are kept in a perfect balance of happiness and unhappiness--of fervent desire and abysmal depression, of voracious appetite and of utter disinterested appetite, of unwavering heroism and of crippling fear.  We are never fully one way or the other, so, our minds are ever distracted until the final moments of our lives before we pass away.  It could be right before an accident.  It could be at 100 years of age.  And then we wonder, "What the fuck just happened?  How did I get here?  Why did I do nothing!?  I could have just as easily committed suicide fifty years ago and there would have been not a difference!  What is the meaning of all of this?"

What is the meaning of all of this?  To not search for understanding and truth is terrifying madness; that madness one will encounter at the end of one's life if one does not lead a life always pursuing understanding and truth.

But, maybe, there are people who live absentmindedly and die absentmindedly?

And so the world keeps turning and our lives, and the human race in general, race toward an inevitable end.  How will it all end?

Old Tour Memories

I remember a good time.  A time when things were much simpler.  I was on tour as a roadie for an old band named Noise Ratchet and we were somewhere in Canada.  The tour manager, Brandon Young (the drummer and now drummer of Delta Spirit), the guitarist, and I went to some dance club where drinks either costed a looney or a tooney.  I drank some drinks and I felt cool as a cucumber.  At the end of the night I was dancing with a tall big woman and sucking on her neck.

We got back to the hotel, but as usual Brandon and I wanted to continue partying so we took out the beers we had stolen from the venue and played some poker; we had to play on the ground near the bathroom because everyone else was asleep and wanted the lights off--we used the bathroom light to light our cards.  Drunk off of around seven drinks or so, I felt fucking great and so carefree.  I stood up to take a piss and as I was pissing into the toilet Brandon was shuffling the cards or some shit and, as usual, he was shirtless.  I turned and started peeing all over his back.

"Ah you dirty son of a bitch!"  And then we had some laughs and went to sleep.  Noise Ratchet was on tour with My Chemical Romance and Avenged Sevenfold.