Then I just knew she was going to be coming around soon, because of last night. Fuck.
Bam! Motherfucker. Bam! On the goddam window of my fuckin' room.
"Hello?" As if she was just looking for someone casually—my ass was looking for someone casually. My ass.
I kept quiet—please go away. Please go away. Please go away. I closed my eyes. Please go away.
"I know you're in there, Danny!"
I laughed to myself and ran my hands through my hair and face and neck—fuck it.
"HOLD ON," I opened the door that led to the outside from my dark, wooden colored, cubby hole room with the silver fan buzzing above me, "Hey. Hey, how's it going? Come in. Do you want to come in?"
"No. No. I don't think I want to come in," chagrined. She just fucking stood there looking down with her goddam arms crossed, and she was like wearing those kind of fucking ballerina slippers or whatever the fuck girls wear sometimes when they're too lazy to wear real shoes.
"OK. No problem," I went outside and closed the door behind me. I walked over to a bench and sat the fuck down. And then I fucked up. I sighed a little too loudly.
Bam! She spun around and, "What? You want me to leave? Look at me. You want me to leave? Just tell me to leave and that you never want to see me again."
I wasn't gonna go into all that.
She waited, and then, "Why don't you love me? I'm pretty, I'm smart. Why don't you love me?"
And for some weird reason I had a quick and honest response to that, which wasn't really an answer, "Why don't you love that one guy you told me loves you? He's always bugging you. He really fucking loves you. Why don't you love him?"
"Because I love you. Because I love you, dammit! I LOVE YOU!" Oh boy she was crying now, and I looked like a fool. That was a pretty good answer. She continued, "So, what? You love someone else?"
I had a quick answer for that too, "No, actually. I don't love anyone. I used to love this one chick—"
"I don't wanna hear about who you used to love, you fucking asshole!"
"I'm sorry," stupidly. I looked down at the ground like a little boy that is in trouble. And you know what? To be honest, I might have fucked up. You see, when two people fuck, and there's no construct as to where it might lead, you would think that neither should be at fault if the other gets hurt for unrequited feelings of attachment. And I'm thinking that in most cases that's probably true. Buuuuuttttt, if one of the people knows that the other person is pretty much in love with the other person, and STILL makes love to that person, without having any feelings for that person, that person should be at fault. You shouldn't fuck someone that loves you and that you don't love when you know the other person loves you. That's fucked up. That's leading someone on or using someone...
But! Here's how you get away with it...
If a person loves you and wants to fuck you and you also want to fuck that person too but you don't love that person (and you know that person loves you), all you have to do is this: Tell that person, "Hey, I know you love me. I know you love me. It's OK. I'm going to be honest with you. I don't love you at all. But listen, I want to fuck you. So, if you want to fuck, let's just fuck. It's up to you."
Bam! And you know what? I think I did that with this girl! But they'll get all fucked up about it anyway: boy or girl.
"Don't call me. I never want to see you again. Goodbye, Danny," she walked away, as I stared at her ass, thinking Damn, I wish I could fuck her right now.
That doesn't make me an asshole, I thought to myself. I just want to fuck a girl... that girl. Well, whatever.
She was turning the corner of my house and was about to be out of sight when I whispered, barely out of her hearing range: "I wish I could love you... if it were only that easy." And then I thought about all the girls that didn't love me when I loved them. What a sad and fallen world Lord. I can't wait to be with you Jesus, where hearts don't break anymore. I love you Jesus, at least, I thought.
I went back into my stupid, dark, wooden colored cubby of a room, and my cell phone rang.
I answered to a girl saying seductively, "Surprise!"
"OK. Hey! How have you been? You're calling all the way from Germany right now?"
"Yes. And I have another surprise for you," she done says to me.
"Well out with it girl. Don't make me wait. People that make me wait end up being sorry, you know that?"
"You stupid silly. I bought you a plane ticket to Germany, and I just emailed it to you, and you're coming on holiday with me. We're gonna travel all of Eastern Europe!"
"Well... Eastern Europe sounds... exotic? Ha ha!"
"Oh shut up stupid silly. I'm going to show you beautiful Eastern Europe. Don't say no. People that say no to me end up being sorry, I hope you know this."
"Ha ha, well I'm not going to say no to a fucking Nazi. Of course I'm coming. I'll check the dates on my ticket, and you better fucking be there to pick me up."
"Don't call me a Nazi you fucker. YES. I will be there. This call is costing me too much. Goodbye for now. Ciao."
"Bye, baby," and we both hung up.
(A PICTURE OF BEAUTIFUL EASTERN EUROPE, OR SO THE INTERNET TELLS ME)
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