"Man I'm bummed."
"Why's that dude?"
"Well this girl I been seeing found out I be fucking other girls too."
"So?"
"She don't like it, that's 'so' what."
"What's the big deal?"
"The big deal about me caring that she's all bummed or the big deal about fucking other girls while I have a girlfriend already?"
"Both."
"Well, I kind of like her and I don't want her to leave... I think I might love her man."
"And?"
"Ya, I don't know what the big deal is about "cheating" or whatever. I guess we're not supposed to right? You get in a relationship and, so, you're pretty much promising that you won't eat another girl out, right?"
"Do you care if she sucks some other dudes dick?"
"Ya, I don't want her to do that."
"Why not?"
"What? Are you some sort of fucking psychologist now?"
"Whatever man, I don't give a fuck about any of this."
"Because it's gross dude. She can't be going around sucking everyone's cock off. It's fucked up to me. She's only supposed to be sucking my cock off."
"So, it's not really because it's gross to suck cocks off, but because you're selfish and only want her to suck your cock off. You don't want her to get around because you want to feel special that she only sucks your, and only your, cock off. So it all boils down to being selfish. EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE UNIQUE, SINGULAR, and SPECIAL."
"Well, what if I let her suck other cock-and-balls and then she falls in love with some other dude and then leaves me?"
"What if she sucks a million pairs of cock-and-balls, and never leaves you? Would that be ok then?"
"...no. That still wouldn't be cool."
"Then her leaving you or not leaving you is beside the point as to whether you want her sucking cock-and-balls. It's that you want to feel special and like a king."
"Right, I guess so."
"Does she want to suck other balls?"
"No, she said she only wanted to suck mine, but that now she's gonna go around sucking everyone else's balls."
"It's not that she didn't want to suck anyone else's balls before. She always wants to be sucking balls. It's that she didn't want you sucking other titties except for hers. She wants you all for herself, and she wants to be all yours... so that you guys will be all special and shit... so that she can feel special... see?"
"So... this is all about being selfish and feeling special? It's not even about the other person?"
"Sure you love the other person or whatever, but it could just as well be someone else. Or it can be someone else later. But we love all people--just differently. Didn't you love anyone else when you were three? You could have just as well been born in Nantucket as a hermaphrodite sucking tits and balls and cocks and pussies and butt holes and toes and... everything. Did you choose to be born here in Jersey before you were born?"
"I don't remember what was going on before I was born. Maybe I was up in heaven and God let me choose."
"Ya, I guess that's possible, but there's no way for us to know that, so, you just have to assume you didn't have a choice about what you were born into."
"Right."
"Listen dude. You're just with her because you don't want to be lonely. PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO BE LONELY, even though, in the end, everybody dies alone and you don't get to be with anyone after you die for all we know. We all just want to be SPECIAL SPECIAL SPECIAL. It's all quite inconsequential and what we are all really trying to do is feel special and loved and trying to kill time by diverting our minds away from the certainty that we are perishing at an exorbitant rate. If she's not gonna let you be with her because you're boning other chicks then either you gotta stop sucking other tits or don't get caught. It's because she wants to feel like a princess. And you want to feel like a king. You want to go to the club and be all like 'ya that's right bitches my girl only sucks my cock off.'"
"Yea..."
"We ALL are special, but for some reason, frenziedly we desperately want to be widely acknowledged as such. When someone 'cheats' on you, it is a blow to your ego and you feel worthless. That is a shitty feeling. Your feelings are all hurt like a little baby's. Boohoo, I'm not special. Then you try all hard for that person to want you again even though they're the one that fucked up! Ha ha! It is all so vain."
"Hmmm..."
"If you bang other chicks all the way until you both die and she never finds out, what difference will it make when you're both dead?"
"None."
"Right, you just gotta ask yourself if it's worth risking. And since you don't want to be all lonely and shit, if you get caught you'll have to go through the trouble of finding another bitch that you can tolerate and that can tolerate you and all that bullshit."
"Right."
"So, there's no need to fucking bitch about it dude. If you get caught, well then fuck it. No big deal, just fucking deal with it."
"So, it's not necessarily wrong to cheat on my girlfriend because she's just with me so that she won't be lonely and because she finds me fair enough to be with?"
"I don't know why you're asking me. But, I think at that point, it's about being honest. I don't think you have to be honest for her sake specifically. If you plot to get with other girls and just plan on not getting caught, then that makes you a conniving liar. That's the only thing that's really wrong. You're mistreating another human--that's what's wrong here, not the sucking other tits. You gotta love people man. If you fuck up once, then whatever, everybody fucks up all the time. But, if you live your life as a conniving liar... that just makes you... a conniving liar."
"And that's wrong huh?"
"If God exists then yea. Either because God said so, or because goodness is just part of his nature and being a conniving liar goes against goodness. If there is no god, then, no, it's not wrong, because there would be no absolutely true standard of what is right or wrong. Everything would be subjective as fuck. EVERYTHING."
"Man, thanks for helping me out!"
"No problem dude. I hope I helped out."
"Oh shit, look at that girl across the street... she's hot as fuck! Too bad I'm not single--I'd bone her so fast!"
"Then you'd be a conniving fornicator. Hey, you could bone her and then just feel bad about it. It's not like you have to plan every time you're gonna suck other titties ha ha! I'm sure you'd feel bad about it anyway since you're a theist, no?"
"Nah man, I don't want to be a dick to my girl. I like her; she's cool. I just fucked up last time. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't want to hurt her."
"Well if she don't find out, she don't get hurt."
"But I'll know, and I'll feel rotten. And plus, I guess I don't want to risk hurting her feelings."
"Well, that's between you, your conscience, and The Big Guy upstairs."
"Yea... but hey! Why don't YOU go fuck her? You're single right?"
"Shhhiiiiitttt, that girl is hot as fuck, AND, she's like seven years old. WAY out of my league!"
"Haha you pussy. Let's go get some beers at my place man--my mom and my step-dad are gone for the night."
"Sick! I'll invite some chicks."
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