Being Lions

There came a time where we became lions, and it was strange; it was like being in a foreign land. But, just like being in a foreign land, if you're there long enough, well, you get used to it.

But the thing was that we weren't always lions. Sometimes we became humans again. It was just us five, and the whole world was against us.

I don't know how it happened, but we woke up in a sort of cave, and we looked at each other, and we were great, golden, majestic lions. We stepped out of our cave to find that all the other humans wanted to kill us, so we had a meeting. Vana spoke up and made a whole lot of sense.

"We're lions aren't we? Why don't we just eat the humans, of course being careful that they don't kill us?" Vana made sense.

Stealthily and near sundown, we crept out and mauled a whole lot of humans. We filled ourselves and found that we liked the taste of humans. We ate and ate and ate and ate and ate! It was even easier getting around at night and we returned to our cave.

When we got there we found that we had turned back into humans, but of course it was a bit strange having human blood all over us, so we all took a communal bath then hit our giant hot tub. There was a hot tub in our cave. We all fell asleep telling stories, Vid and La cuddling.

We woke up stinking like lions, but we didn't stink lions to ourselves... just to whoever wasn't a lion; we were lions again. La made us all breakfast out of left over human parts we had dragged in the night before.

Anette looked like she was having the most fun, and I wished I was as fresh as her.

"Let's run!" She roared.

We busted out of the cave and ran free and hard and fast and our manes were in the air... well mine and Vid's. The women didn't have manes, but that didn't bother Anette, La, and Vana. Okay it bothered Anette a little that Vid and I had great big flowing manes. She joked that she wanted a man's mane too. I kissed her. We roamed, we ran, we flew, we roared, and we killed a lot of humans.

The fighting became fun and fierce, so we returned to our cave, but it was blocked by the dirty humans. So we ran and we felt like we might faint.

Finally, Vid found another cave, a well hidden cave. The cave was hidden by moss and grass and leaves and greenery of all sorts of the most beautiful kind and you could hear the music of Kings of Leon (only the really melancholy, beautiful songs like "Comeback Story").

Anette was smart though, she peered into the cave, and sure enough there were giant, GIANT, hanging bats all over inside—but we were in trouble. Luckily we had turned into humans again. We were blood soaked humans though so we found a lagoon and soaked off the blood. We found a hotel, paid $250 for a good, big, fancy room. Anette left the window open for when we turned into lions again.

Around midnight the human-ness wore off, and we were wonderful lions again. We jumped out the window and sneaked back to the cave.

"Let's slowly walk in, so we don't wake up the monstrous bats," Anette the lioness said.

"Sounds good," we all agreed. So we crept in, and slept as lions sleep.

In the morning Vid and La crept slowly and carefully to the rest of us. They had an idea they had conjured up before the had fallen asleep in their lion arms together.

La said, "We're going to roar and scare all the bats, all the giant bats out, and they're going to go out all over the city and kill all the humans that are trying to kill us." So we did just that.

ROAR! ROAR! ROAR! ROAR! ROAR!

And the bats flew batshit crazy cray cray all over the city not leaving one citizen untouched or un-killed. All humans died that day.

We stood on a precipice and looked over all the land. We would be lions forever more and feed off the land. We would forever be beautiful, tall, golden lions. We were awesome as fuck. We thanked the Creator. Lions we were.

From then on, we were being lions.

Blood and Juice Boxes

The sirens were blasting my ears completely off, and they made my brain go completely haywire. It was as if my brain was made out of electrical activity, and it was being shorted out. Oh wait... anyway...

THE SIRENS: "WAH! WAH! WAH! MASH! MASH! MASH! WAR!!! BOGEY! BOGEY! BOGEY! WASH! WAH! WASH!"

I couldn't make out what it was trying to tell me.

I grabbed my scary head with both hands, clenched my eyeballs with my crazy eyelids, and threw myself against the Red Cross bus. I hunkered down. The goddam bus was still pumping out blood for the wounded. Other than my ears being blasted off and my head, brain, mind going crazy, I was in great condition! I could give some blood, to help.

I opened my crazy eyes to see fourteen North Koreans and seven Iranians about one hundred yards away—they trained their muskets in my direction––––sons of bitches. OK. I shouldn't talk that way about their mothers.

My legs hurried me over and behind the bus, as the bullets with their own minds began flying toward the poor blood bus and me.

BING, BANG, CLASH, BING, BING, BING, BANG, BANG, BANG!!!

I touched my body everywhere––no hits on me. I looked at myself with my eyes and perceived with my mind: I was dirty and bloodied (with other people's blood), but I was unwounded–––just really dirty and stinky.

I saw the bastards loading their shitty guns and made a run for it. I jumped inside the blood bus. Inside there were two dead people, one person giving blood, and the doc.

"I can give blood!" I shouted over the sound of the war outside; bombs were exploding, bullets were flying, bings and bangs cried out, and death cackled like a hyena; death was a murderous hyena!

I saw a shuffle behind the doc; someone was huddled up in a corner of the bus. I looked questioningly at the doc.

"It's the President of the United States! Hide him over there behind you!"

The president hobbled over to me, and I stuck him in a cubby, "Hello Mr. President!"

Just then, the doc finished with the person giving blood, and as the donor stood up––

A thunderous, deafening sound, and then…SMASH! EXPLODE! BASH! BOOM! The back of the bus was torn off like a piece of bread from the Olive Garden; jets ran away in the sky like cowards; the doc was gone. The donor was gone. The two dead people were even deader now. The president cowered and whimpered behind me. I stared in shock, but nothing would shock me as much as what I would see next.

A girl was running toward the bus! As I looked at her through one of the blood stained windows, everything was in slow motion. She was so clean. She was wearing a lovely hat and had long, shining mahogany locks. She was so clean. She had magical, green and gold eyes, and there was no war in them. She wore a brilliant, yellow frock that matched her eyes and flowed above her knees; her legs were so smooth and clean and bright and shining. Her sandals were faithful and clean, as she ran elegantly toward me. I bet her name is Sarah Price, I thought.

The idiots across the way were loading their guns again, but they were stunned by the sight of Sarah, so they didn't do much for a second.

She jumped into the bus, and we were face to face.

"HI!"

I just stared into her eyes. I tried to hide in her eyes. I had been in this war for too long, and I was tired.

She put her hand on my shoulder, "HI! Are you OK?!"

I looked at her hand in awe, and then I muttered, "Th…the…the pres…the president."

BING, BANG, TINK, BING, CLASH outside.

"Sorry! Hi! I'm Danny! I'm a little outta sorts, but I'm good enough, but I suppose it depends!"

"I'm Sarah! Sarah Price!"

"Wow! OK! You're so…clean!"

She laughed, "Is there anyone we can give blood to, or is it too late? We can drive the rest of this bus out of here, if we need to, don't you think? What president?"

The bastards outside were slowly advancing on us. I stuck my fist out the window for a second and shot a couple rounds in their direction to slow them down.

"We have the President of the United States here!"

We rushed over to him. He was nodding off, and he damned well looked purple––for God's sake––even though he was black!

"He's dying! We need to save him!"

We carried his limp ass body to one of the beds that was still left; we could see he was bleeding out. We stopped the hemorrhaging. He wasn't bleeding any more, but he didn't have enough blood to live.

The damned sirens shook my soul again, and I thought I was a lost cause, but then Sarah shook me, "I need you!" I snapped out of it, "I'm here to give blood! I ran over here to give blood, to help! The president needs it!"

"Me too! OK! Sit down against the bed," I grabbed some empty blood bags, iodine, and needles, "Looks like the reserve blood bags were blown away!" I grabbed her arm, cleaned it (even though it was already super clean) with iodine, stuck her with the needle, and then I hooked it up to the bag, "Squeeze your fist a bunch of times! We don't have much time!" I shot a couple more rounds out the window, "Now you hook me up!"

Sarah cleaned my dirty arm, iodined me, stuck me, and then hooked up the blood bag. I looked down at the ground and started feeling depressed. Sarah put her amazing free hand on my cheek. I looked into her crazy eyes. She smiled at me, "Now squeeze your crazy hand."

We sat there, against the bed, squeezing our hands, while holding hands, filling up blood bags with blood. Finally, the bags were full––we were exceptional blood givers.

We pulled the damned needles out and stood up. We were both quite dizzy and almost fell over each other, but we held each other up somehow. We hooked up the president to our blood, one bag per arm.

We stumbled to the sitting area, hand in hand.

"Is there any hope?" One of us asked. We looked out the window and saw the advancing enemy. I bet they knew the president was with us.

"One way or another, I bet it's all going to be over soon," one of us said, as I shot my last rounds out the window, willy-nilly.

Dizzy, holding hands, and uncertain about the future, we looked out a window of this blood bus. The skies were gray, it was starting to rain. Torn and ravished buildings, surrounded by the lush green, greenery of magnificent trees and over-grown, beautiful grass, surrounded us––not to mention the enemy. We stared out that crazy window, watching the enemy advance. I looked into her eyes to escape the war, and then we kissed forever—two pale faces, two pale lips, two sets of closed dreaming eyes, two minds minding each other, and tears mingling.

She held one of my hands with both of hers, and she just stared at my hand, while she caressed it.

I looked out the window and saw a green rumble. I looked at the enemy, and the flashes of their weapons were directed at us, but the bus protected us. I looked at the president, and he was less purple. The green rumble was getting closer; it looked like a herd of green monsters, and then the enemies' flashes were directed toward the green rumble. One by one, the enemy began to fall, as fire came from the green rumble at them.

Sarah's head was on my shoulder, and we were both crying, uncertain of what the future held.

"We're gonna be OK, Sarah! The Marines are here!" She looked up, and we could see a swarm of Marines taking over the scene.

We were calm as we watched. I looked to my left and saw a box full of juice boxes. I grabbed one and stuck the straw into it. I nudged Sarah, "My lady? A juice box?"

She smiled through the tears, "Why thank you, sir––much obliged," and she rewarded me with a kiss on the cheek.

I grabbed a juice box for myself. We toasted to each other and drank heartily.

Sarah looked into my eyes, and she could see the war was ending.

"It was beautiful meeting you over blood and juice boxes," one of us said.

And then we kissed and held hands forever.

That Hustle Mama

My eyes popped off right open and wide opened.  Them lids just flashed back just like that.  Shit was quiet all around and it was only ten days before Christmas.  I was keeping track of the days 'till Christmas, and I was keeping track of that fat wad of cash that was growing under my mattress.

I stared down that motherfucker Alarm Clock.  It was 4:58am.  Why does my brain always turn on right before the alarm clock goes off?  Something about an internal clock.  Whatever.

4:59 and 43 seconds... 4:59 and 51 seconds... I turned it off before it went off.  No use in waking my baby too.  There was enough suffering in the world with me waking up.  No need to compound the misery that the world groans under by waking up my baby too.  Nobody ever really wants to wake up, do they?  Don't we all just want to be peacefully asleep for like ever and dreaming cool, nice dreams?  I don't know.

My kid walked up to my bed and tugged at the sheets.

"Momma, you awake?  Are you leaving now?  Are you going to work?  It's almost Christmas, right?"

"Yes, I'm up.  You have an internal alarm clock too?"

"Yes.  What is a manternal-ma-long-block, mama?"

The tap, tap, tap came at the door.  I let the neighbor in.  Our apartments weren't too bad.  She lived a couple floors up, and she took care of my daughter, for real fucking cheap.

"Be nice to Consuela Ju-Ju-Bee.  I'll see you when I get back from work.  Thanks, Consuela.  See ya later."

"No problem miss Avenger."  They left, and I went back to my room to get dressed.

Miss Avenger: I gave her a fake name for no fucking reason.  I don't know why I did that--just being silly I guess.  It sounded more bad ass than miss Minchin; that's for sure.  That wasn't my name either--just saying.  I noticed myself in a mirror and thought: my name should be miss Hot Mess.  Fuck it.

I was dressed and ready to serve the world, to get mine.  I reached in between my mattress and box-spring and pulled out my fat, black glock; I admired it.  Either this city was going to eat my daughter and me alive, or I was going to end up having to use this motherfucker.  A false dichotomy?  No.  This city is a rampaging monster, but I'm a mad woman.

I walked out of my apartment, and into the indoor hallway of our building.  I locked up behind me and heard a voice down the way, "Excuse me, do you know where the bathroom is?"

This guy looked worse than I did, and he was walking fast toward me.

I pulled my gun out, and he just kept coming, "Hey stop right there!"  No.  He just kept coming.

"What are you going to do wit dat?  Come here honey.  I'm a rapist!  Arg!"  Stumbling and falling toward me, that's what rapists say, right before they rape you.

Then my ears started ringing from all the lead I was unloading on him.

Deaf, I looked up.  Suddenly, it occurred to me that it probably wasn't a good idea to try to shoot someone, while closing my eyes, head cocked downward.

I saw this wild man on the ground holding his belly and grunting like a dying man.  I had blasted the poor old rapist in the gut!  There was blood everywhere!  "Help me... you old... haggard... bitch!  Help me please."  As he sat up against the wall, his belly was vomiting blood all over the goddamn place.  I sat down next to him; he smelled like shit and alcohol.  I was sitting in a pool of blood.  I placed my left palm flat on the ground, immersing it in blood.  I was beside myself--don't you understand that I was in shock?  "Help me," the old fool died out.

I whispered, "I killed you, you old fool," as I put my left arm around his shoulders, the gun hanging loosely in my right hand.

An old ass Asian lady (she must have been 73) neighbor came out and saw us, "You kill him."  And she pointed at me.

I was exhausted, "Yes."

"Give gun to me.  Policeman come.  You no want to be trouble," she said gravely and Asian-ly, as her eyes widened.  She bent over; she took the gun; she put it in her apron.  I was starting to black out.  The lady said, "You lie to policeman when he come.  I give back you gun when safe.  Fuck the policeman.  They always trouble me when I play my rock and roll loud," and she was gone.

I heard the police coming up the stairs.  I pushed the old fool over and started frantically searching his pockets for any money.  I pulled out two giant stacks of cash and shoved them deep into my purse.  Then I pulled my wallet out and left it next to my purse.  I closed my purse and jumped on top of the old fool and tried to cover his stomach wounds with my hands, "help!"

"Ma'am!  What happened here?"  Human police dogs.

"Some crazy man shot this man and ran off!  He went down the stairwell that leads to the alleyway!  This man is dying!"  I just kept pushing hard on his wounds.  "He's bleeding out!"

"Ma'am.  Step away.  He's dead.  You were very lucky.  We have been looking for this man for a long time.  He has raped many women and robbed many rich people in the last couple of days.  He went by The Rape Thief."

I looked blankly at the cop, and then I fainted.  I woke up sitting against the wall, and a paramedic was taking care of me.

"Miss..."

"My husband's name was William Tully."

"Mrs. William Tully, is your husband--"

"He's been dead a long time.  Someone killed him, and he couldn't stop himself from being killed."

"Mrs. Tully, you're in shock.  Please try to relax.  Here's some drugs.  Eat up."

All I could see was blood, and I wondered when I would get the chance to kill again.  Gotta hustle around here.  Now I had some extra capital to add to my wad.  I had some money to spend for Christmas and hopefully some money to get out of this shit hole.  My daughter would be so happy.  I put my left palm to my face.  The blood was still hot.