Blood and Juice Boxes

The sirens were blasting my ears completely off, and they made my brain go completely haywire. It was as if my brain was made out of electrical activity, and it was being shorted out. Oh wait... anyway...

THE SIRENS: "WAH! WAH! WAH! MASH! MASH! MASH! WAR!!! BOGEY! BOGEY! BOGEY! WASH! WAH! WASH!"

I couldn't make out what it was trying to tell me.

I grabbed my scary head with both hands, clenched my eyeballs with my crazy eyelids, and threw myself against the Red Cross bus. I hunkered down. The goddam bus was still pumping out blood for the wounded. Other than my ears being blasted off and my head, brain, mind going crazy, I was in great condition! I could give some blood, to help.

I opened my crazy eyes to see fourteen North Koreans and seven Iranians about one hundred yards away—they trained their muskets in my direction––––sons of bitches. OK. I shouldn't talk that way about their mothers.

My legs hurried me over and behind the bus, as the bullets with their own minds began flying toward the poor blood bus and me.

BING, BANG, CLASH, BING, BING, BING, BANG, BANG, BANG!!!

I touched my body everywhere––no hits on me. I looked at myself with my eyes and perceived with my mind: I was dirty and bloodied (with other people's blood), but I was unwounded–––just really dirty and stinky.

I saw the bastards loading their shitty guns and made a run for it. I jumped inside the blood bus. Inside there were two dead people, one person giving blood, and the doc.

"I can give blood!" I shouted over the sound of the war outside; bombs were exploding, bullets were flying, bings and bangs cried out, and death cackled like a hyena; death was a murderous hyena!

I saw a shuffle behind the doc; someone was huddled up in a corner of the bus. I looked questioningly at the doc.

"It's the President of the United States! Hide him over there behind you!"

The president hobbled over to me, and I stuck him in a cubby, "Hello Mr. President!"

Just then, the doc finished with the person giving blood, and as the donor stood up––

A thunderous, deafening sound, and then…SMASH! EXPLODE! BASH! BOOM! The back of the bus was torn off like a piece of bread from the Olive Garden; jets ran away in the sky like cowards; the doc was gone. The donor was gone. The two dead people were even deader now. The president cowered and whimpered behind me. I stared in shock, but nothing would shock me as much as what I would see next.

A girl was running toward the bus! As I looked at her through one of the blood stained windows, everything was in slow motion. She was so clean. She was wearing a lovely hat and had long, shining mahogany locks. She was so clean. She had magical, green and gold eyes, and there was no war in them. She wore a brilliant, yellow frock that matched her eyes and flowed above her knees; her legs were so smooth and clean and bright and shining. Her sandals were faithful and clean, as she ran elegantly toward me. I bet her name is Sarah Price, I thought.

The idiots across the way were loading their guns again, but they were stunned by the sight of Sarah, so they didn't do much for a second.

She jumped into the bus, and we were face to face.

"HI!"

I just stared into her eyes. I tried to hide in her eyes. I had been in this war for too long, and I was tired.

She put her hand on my shoulder, "HI! Are you OK?!"

I looked at her hand in awe, and then I muttered, "Th…the…the pres…the president."

BING, BANG, TINK, BING, CLASH outside.

"Sorry! Hi! I'm Danny! I'm a little outta sorts, but I'm good enough, but I suppose it depends!"

"I'm Sarah! Sarah Price!"

"Wow! OK! You're so…clean!"

She laughed, "Is there anyone we can give blood to, or is it too late? We can drive the rest of this bus out of here, if we need to, don't you think? What president?"

The bastards outside were slowly advancing on us. I stuck my fist out the window for a second and shot a couple rounds in their direction to slow them down.

"We have the President of the United States here!"

We rushed over to him. He was nodding off, and he damned well looked purple––for God's sake––even though he was black!

"He's dying! We need to save him!"

We carried his limp ass body to one of the beds that was still left; we could see he was bleeding out. We stopped the hemorrhaging. He wasn't bleeding any more, but he didn't have enough blood to live.

The damned sirens shook my soul again, and I thought I was a lost cause, but then Sarah shook me, "I need you!" I snapped out of it, "I'm here to give blood! I ran over here to give blood, to help! The president needs it!"

"Me too! OK! Sit down against the bed," I grabbed some empty blood bags, iodine, and needles, "Looks like the reserve blood bags were blown away!" I grabbed her arm, cleaned it (even though it was already super clean) with iodine, stuck her with the needle, and then I hooked it up to the bag, "Squeeze your fist a bunch of times! We don't have much time!" I shot a couple more rounds out the window, "Now you hook me up!"

Sarah cleaned my dirty arm, iodined me, stuck me, and then hooked up the blood bag. I looked down at the ground and started feeling depressed. Sarah put her amazing free hand on my cheek. I looked into her crazy eyes. She smiled at me, "Now squeeze your crazy hand."

We sat there, against the bed, squeezing our hands, while holding hands, filling up blood bags with blood. Finally, the bags were full––we were exceptional blood givers.

We pulled the damned needles out and stood up. We were both quite dizzy and almost fell over each other, but we held each other up somehow. We hooked up the president to our blood, one bag per arm.

We stumbled to the sitting area, hand in hand.

"Is there any hope?" One of us asked. We looked out the window and saw the advancing enemy. I bet they knew the president was with us.

"One way or another, I bet it's all going to be over soon," one of us said, as I shot my last rounds out the window, willy-nilly.

Dizzy, holding hands, and uncertain about the future, we looked out a window of this blood bus. The skies were gray, it was starting to rain. Torn and ravished buildings, surrounded by the lush green, greenery of magnificent trees and over-grown, beautiful grass, surrounded us––not to mention the enemy. We stared out that crazy window, watching the enemy advance. I looked into her eyes to escape the war, and then we kissed forever—two pale faces, two pale lips, two sets of closed dreaming eyes, two minds minding each other, and tears mingling.

She held one of my hands with both of hers, and she just stared at my hand, while she caressed it.

I looked out the window and saw a green rumble. I looked at the enemy, and the flashes of their weapons were directed at us, but the bus protected us. I looked at the president, and he was less purple. The green rumble was getting closer; it looked like a herd of green monsters, and then the enemies' flashes were directed toward the green rumble. One by one, the enemy began to fall, as fire came from the green rumble at them.

Sarah's head was on my shoulder, and we were both crying, uncertain of what the future held.

"We're gonna be OK, Sarah! The Marines are here!" She looked up, and we could see a swarm of Marines taking over the scene.

We were calm as we watched. I looked to my left and saw a box full of juice boxes. I grabbed one and stuck the straw into it. I nudged Sarah, "My lady? A juice box?"

She smiled through the tears, "Why thank you, sir––much obliged," and she rewarded me with a kiss on the cheek.

I grabbed a juice box for myself. We toasted to each other and drank heartily.

Sarah looked into my eyes, and she could see the war was ending.

"It was beautiful meeting you over blood and juice boxes," one of us said.

And then we kissed and held hands forever.

The Lieutenant, Hemingway, and Darwin: Ch. 1

Chapter 1

Oh shit, I thought to myself.  I didn't open my eyes yet, as I started waking up.  I didn't know where I was yet, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

With my eyes half closed, I threw my arms wide and felt around for a bottle.  Shit.  No bottle.  I opened my eyes fully and sat the fuck up on whatever bed I was in.  I looked around.  Very good.  Very good.  I was in my quarters.  I stretched out hard, and looked at the clock: 0500 on the dot.

Ok.  Fuck it.  I'll take a break from the bottle, for now.

Hungover or still drunk, I got up and stumbled around for the shower, then I stopped, stood erect, and looked around to see if anybody else was in the room.  There was a body under the sheets in the bed.  Fuck.

Then, BANG, BANG, BANG, motherfucking, BANG, BANG, BANG, at the fucking door.  It startled the shit out of me, and I clasped my ears with my filthy, hungover hands.

"What?" I roared out.

"Second Lieutenant, we're ready for you."

"Son of a bitch!  Just call me Lieutenant, you bastard!  Who are you?"

"It's Sergeant DeMatteo, sir."

"Get the fuck in here, you son of a bitch."

"Yes sir."

DeMatteo stepped inside, ready and dressed for combat, "Second... I mean, Lieutenant?"  He looked away at my impressive nudity.

"Sergeant, sneak the young lady out of my quarters, right now.  I don't give a fuck if anyone sees.  Just sneak her out."

"Did you have a good time last night, sir?"

"You bet I did... Well, I think I did.  Yes.  Yes I did."

"That's great sir.  I'll sneak her out, and we'll be waiting outside."

"Alright.  Get the fuck out of here you son of a bitch Sergeant DeMatteo, if that is your real name," I was more on the drunk side than on the hungover side.

The sergeant grabbed the young lady's clothes, and then roughly threw her over his shoulder, "Sir,"  and began making his way out.

"Goddamnit, DeMatteo, you fucking guinea spic.  Keep it down, and sneak her out, you bastard."

"Yes sir, Second Lieutenant," he smiled.  Her tits were flying everywhere, and she was grumbling, almost inaudibly, and then they were out the door.

Motherfucker that spic.  Goddamn local beauties.  I should be more careful.  I hoped she would be ok.

I made some coffee.  I drank it.  It was black and hot as hell.  I took a bunch of Advil.  I took one Xanax.  I jumped into the shower, shaved, and, standing there, I dozed off a couple of times.  Finally, I got out of the shower and into my combat gear.  I ate some cold, leftover eggs and a bagel, drank some dirty water, walked outside, and got blinded by the sun.

I heard some shuffling, as the small band of Marines I was in charge of came together and made a weak attempt at military formalities.  We had been lost; shot at; starving; and sleepless for a long time--now you know why we were all so tired; it was hard to maintain military customs.  As I waited for my eyes to not be blacked out, I shouted out, "Ten-hut motherfucks!  Attention!"  I rubbed my eyes, and then I squinted until I could see, using one of my hands to try and shade my eyes from the omnipresent sun.

"Sergeant DeMatteo!  Someone speak up!  Where is the Gunny?"  I could see better now, and I saw that we all looked terrible.

"Sir!  The Gunny took thirty men northwest, to look for more men and weapons and to weed out more of the enemy, per your directions from yesterday, sir."

"How many of us are left, Garbanzo Bean?"

"Sir, with the two Privates that just showed up..."

"Fuck.  Go on."

"Sir, that makes eighteen of us, including you."

"I'm in no mood GB.  I'm no mood to hang out with all of you.  We'll be going north.  Contact the Gunny and tell him we'll all be meeting at the rendezvous past the two hills and right of the three trees, but left of the seven goats.  There should be a couple of mansions with electricity and water there, hopefully as nice as this one.  We'll rest there.  The trip is about thirty miles for all of us.  GB you will take the north route; kill all enemy; bring women and children with you, if possible.  If not, kill them.  Bring all weapons you find.  Let DeMatteo know that my orders for him are to bring all enemy and our own POWs he encounters and to kill all civilians.  GB, you take the fourteen men with you.  I will take the two Privates, go northeast, and then we'll turn northwest and meet up with the rest of the company.  Where are those two fucks?"

"Sir, are you sure you don't want a couple extra men, sir?"

"Sergeant Gallo, you take the fourteen men with you and head straight north.  What time is it, anybody?"

"Sir, zero seven hundred, sir."

"Ok, thank you Sergeant."

"Sir, yes sir.  Hemingway!  Darwin!  Sir, see you tonight, sir."

"Be safe, Sergeant.  Thank you."

Two friends came around a corner, dressed in their combat gear and looking fresh and clean, as DB's troop jog-trotted north.  They stopped in front of me and looked straight ahead.  They were still very disciplined.  They must have not been out here long.  Fucking privates.

"I don't mean to put you two in danger, and I'm sorry to your mothers, but it is best if you get a crash course in surviving out here.  No gradual acclimating out here.  You'll die within a couple hours if we take it slow.  You'll probably die during this crash course, but it gives you better odds than slowly learning how to survive this hell hole.  That is why I decided for only the three of us to go west.  Being only three, we are much more vulnerable, so you will have to learn fast or die.  You must be sharp at all times.  You must be stressed at all times.  I need you both to turn into thirty-five year old war-hardened veterans, within a couple days, or you will die.  I'm not going to die, but you might.  So stay sharp.  Fucking Privates.  You have to be kidding me."

"Sir, yes sir," both of them.

"What are you guys fucking best friends, or what?"

"Sir, we're friends sir," Hemingway confidently.

"Private Hemingway, what is your first name?"

"Erne--"

"Never mind.  I don't want to know."

"Private Darwin, is that your first or last name?"

"Sir, I only have one name, sir."

"Well you seem like a depressed fuck, Private Darwin.  Fuck it.  I'm not going to ask.  One of you, tell me how you ended up joining my diminished company."

"Well Second Lieutenant--," 

"Lieutenant.  Call me Lieutenant."

"Sir, we landed about ten miles east of here, about--"

"Shut up Darwin.  Hemingway, tell me what happened."

"Sir, we landed a bit off from here.  Right when we landed mortar fire hit us from every direction.  I saw Darwin on the ground.  I picked him up and threw him over my shoulder.  I ran toward the enemy.  I asked them to fix Darwin.  They fixed him and told me he'd be alright.  They thanked me and went north.  I looked back and saw all of our men dead and in bits.  We went the opposite way of the enemy, and your company found us, sir."

"Interesting," I was spacing the fuck out, staring into the deep blue and bright sky.  "Alright privates.  Give me fifty, and then we'll get going."  They gave me fifty, and then we got going.