Aztec Princess Part Two: Near and Far

I was chewing on a…what is it…a long stalk of wheat? I didn't know if it was really wheat or if it was just one of those damned plant, weed, yellow things that grow with those damned things that stick in your socks and poke you and hurt you.

I was chewing on a long, yellow stalk with feathery blossomings at the end, like they did in the old days.

I was wearing rolled up jeans, a beat up cool white shirt with a picture of Christian Bale on it (some would say it was a picture of Batman…not me), a red cool trucker hat that was pushed way back on my fuckin' head. Well I was barefoot of course, and my feet were dirty. I was a regular ole American joe working the fields these days, and life was good except my mind kept reminding me of a certain someone, and my mind reminding me kept hurting my heart about that certain someone.

I was lying back in the soft golden land of the rancher I worked for: he was a real nice ole fuck ya know? There I lay looking up at the perfect blue sky. The plane that watered the fields was due any minute. It was a hot day, so I was looking forward to this little field shower. I thought about getting naked, but the rancher had damned kids. I heard the plane a-roarin' and a-tumblin' down the line; down that ole atmosphere; down that beautiful sky; fighting all that gravity; and my mind wandered away and away into the deep blue sky—maybe even to outer space. I used to think it was spelled "outterspace." Otter.

It had been a long time since I had been deported from Mexico and back into the ole U.S. of A. as they call it. I missed my Aztec princess Lizette. Feisty Lizette. I missed her beautiful face and her long legs and her torso and her breasts and her…her fuckin' hair man. Her SMELL man! I missed her sex, the way she could really fuck me. And I missed the way she would lick words into my fuckin' ear.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! I was jolted from my mental masturbations. I sat up scared as all hell.

"HOLY SHIT!" I yelled, "Mista Smith! Yo plane be coming down! It ain't got no wings no mo!" The plane's wings had been blown off somehow, and off the plane went over a hill or mountain to crash, as I saw the pilot jump out without a parachute. He landed on his feet.

Next thing I heard…

"Hey you fucking beaner! Hey you fucking beaner! What you doing on ole man Smith's land? Scoot! Get the fuck off his fucking land you fucking beaner!" From like five angry KKK dudes. They were really a rot to this beautiful Tennessee land.

"Why you ignant mo'fuckin' white trash, shit breath, incest lovin' piece-o-shit alkies! You call me beaner one mo' time and I fuck all y'all up!" I stood up and started making my way to the white pack, but they parted and surrounded me. Shit. I put my dukes up.

They drew it out nice and long, "B-E-A-N-E-R…beaner beaner pants on fire! Beaner beaner pants on fire! Beaner beaner pants on fire!" I don't even know what that meant, but they just kept on yelling. So I ran at the stupidest looking one, but before I could clock him a good one on his missing rotten teeth I blacked out.

I woke up in Mexico.

"Holy hell," I had a pounding motherfucking headache.

In Spanish, "Oye mang, you ok? You look bad ese. You got a big fucking ball on the back of your head," some old handsome fellow. I don't know if he was Mexican.

"Where am I?" I asked in English anyway.

"Mexico. You were deported. Five guys in Tennessee beat the shit out of you, and then they called La Migra on your ass and told them you were a shit head illegal alien beaner. The La Migra believed it too because they stole your I.D. and also because the shithead La Migra was KKK too, so they brought you here."

"Holy shit. How do you know everything that happened? Were you there or something?" I rubbed my fucking skull off it hurt so bad. I was still wearing my cool clothes at least.

"Because I'm the same old man from that one book The Alchemist. I know everything. Have you read it?"

"Shit. Yes I have! I fucking love that book! You're really him? This is amazing."

"Yes. That's me. It's pretty great to see me and meet me huh? Yup that's me."

"Wow," I shook his hand vigorously, and then I hugged him, and then I held him. I had been so lonely for a long time. I just held him and he held me. I was tired and I hurt. My headache went away. I started crying, "Man, I've been so lonely for so long old man. It's really good to see you." He just held me and soothed my soul.

We let each other go, and it wasn't awkward at all. I let out a big ole sigh and looked around, "Yup this is Mexico alright. I guess I'll have to find Diego or someone and try to sneak back over and go home. Ugh what a bummer. I don't blame those KKK fags. They just don't know any better. May God forgive them, because I sure do. Fuck it." I just looked around at the dusty place for a while, and then I got scared the old man would disappear so I looked back at him.

"Nah, you don't have to go home," the old man breathed.

"Ya I guess I don't huh? Or…what do you mean?" I asked. The old man was wearing a great big, beaming, bright smile on his face.

"Here. Take this magical, white horse, and go wherever you want. Go somewhere," he breathed, and all of a sudden a saw the sparkling white horse behind him. I wondered if it had been there this whole time! It fucking sparkled like it was a Twilight™ horse or something––––but not a vampire horse––a good horse.

"Go somewhere? Where? Wow. What a cool horse," I said stupidly.

"Ha ha you are funny son. This is where I leave. Go somewhere," he waited for me to say something.

I looked at the horse, and all of a sudden I could only think of one place to go, "OAXACA!" THE MEXICAN TOWN OF MY BELLE!!!

The old man smiled, "Goodbye for now."

"Goodbye friend! Thanks for the horse!"

The old man snapped his fingers three times, and poof he was gone.

"Wow cool!" I yelled.

"I know!" The horse said.

"Wow! You talk!" I said stupidly.

"Wow! You talk!" He said.

"Horse, can you take me to Oaxaca? Is it too far from here?"

"You can call me Guillermo. Sure I can take you anywhere. It's far as hell, but I ride fast like the wind and don't have to stop for breaks. Hop on."

"OK!"

So off we went, and boy was he right. We must have been going around 160 miles an hour or faster? Sometimes it seemed like we were flying. "Take a nap," Guillermo said, and I said OK and fell asleep.

"Wake up buddy. Wake up buddy," ––Guillermo.

"Huh?"

"We're here. I have to go, but I'll be back at the right time, if I ever need to."

"Wow. Thanks Guillermo. Be safe. Goodbye friend."

"Goodbye," and then this time he really flew away. It looked like he went west, and I imagined him going to some awesome island in the Pacific.

I looked around. Ah! Good ole green, beautiful Oaxaca! I love this place!

And now to get clean and dressed up for my Aztec princess, I thought, but then I looked at myself. I was perfectly clean and had new clothes on. I carefully touched my hair, and I could tell it was fucking perfect and awesome. Well, I'll be damned. Guillermo took me for a shower and bought me clothes.

I heard a rumble. Immediately, I was surrounded, but this time by a bunch of beaners instead of KKK shit heads! Damn it!!!

"Hey yankee asshole. Who said you could come here?"

Motherfuck. I couldn't win. Either I was a beaner in Tennessee or a yankee in Oaxaca. I replied, "Hey motherfuckers, it's Gringo to you."

"WE ARE GOING TO KILL YOU THIS TIME PUTO! YOU WON'T ESCAPE THIS TIME!" They all yelled in unison.

My heart sank. There was exactly 100 of them, and I knew they were serious, and I knew there was nothing that could save me. I was terrified. My breathing quickened. I looked around at all of them, as they laughed–––ugly wolves; they could see I was scared like a little bitch. I thought maybe Guillermo would return, but I doubted. I started to think about accepting my death. I felt really sick, man. I was so close to my princess, and I had met the old man and Guillermo. Fuck man, I felt sick. I thought I was going to puke. How could it end like this, ya know? I clenched my fists. The best I could do was to try and fight my way through some of them and then run. I ALMOST pissed myself, but I sure as hell didn't! They were going to RUIN my perfect hair.

I heard another rumble. This one was far greater than the first one that came with these beaners. It shook the whole fucking earth. I balanced myself, as I almost fell. It can't be! I thought. Could it?

100 of my princess Lizette's women cousins came to the rescue!

There was TOTAL war! 100 beaners verses 100 of Lizette's cousins. There was really no match. The cousins…Las Primas…were too vicious. It was an awesome sight to see. I stood there in the middle of this crazy bloody war! There was blood and death everywhere! And finally it was over.

"Welcome Daniel. You know you are in big trouble? Our cousin the princess has been waiting for you for a long fucking time. Lizette is pretty fuckin' pissed off eh," they all said in a chorus.

"Ehem…uhmm…ehem," they were a rowdy bunch.

"Don't worry! We won't hurt you! If we ever hurt a single hair on your fucking perfect head of hair Karina would kill us!" They all laughed.

"Karina?"

"Shit, you don't even know her real name? Lizette is her princess name."

"Ehem…" they were still pretty damned intimidating after beating the shit out of 100 beaners.

They picked me up, and threw me on top of them, as if I was riding a moshpit. It was great. I was floating on a bunch of Karina's cousins.

"Wooo!!!" I yelled in exuberance.

"Míralo muy feliz!" They all said. Look at him so happy.

I arrived at the famous Aztec palace, a lonely, sad, American bum. They tossed me off, and away they went. I made my way up the golden steps. Could she really be up there waiting for me? I thought. I kept going up, step by step. She's too beautiful damn it. A girl like that couldn't possibly be waiting for me. Ah fuck it. If she don't want me, she don't have to have me, I thought. Up and up I went.

I reached the top and before I could do or say anything Karina had pounced on me, her and her loose Mexican clothing: a white top with no bra, her midriff geez, and a crazy awesome loose skirt that tried to reach her knees but failed. She was barefoot of course. I looked awesome.

Oh Karina how I have missed you! My mind raced like a race horse of course…or a race dog or whatever. Karina! She kissed me, man, and I tried to kiss her back, but I failed, because she was kissing me faster than I could try and kiss her! Her hair everywhere engulfing me in her smell, I died over and over. Her breasts coming out of her loose shirt, here and there, I was aroused one hundred percent, seeing those perfect breasts. She kissed me everywhere. She was a flurry and fury of kisses on an undeserving American bum. I could hardly breath, as I tried to take in her smell as much as I could. And lips everywhere made me explode in orgasm after orgasm of happiness and ecstasy. I just let my tongue hang out so it could lick any part of her that ran across it. At one point I got a hold of her perfect bare ass, as she shoved her tongue down my mouth. What an ass! I mean, just imagine. The person you love the most is kissing your face like she means it! A poor American bum, being ravished by the most beautiful Mexican. This couldn't be real. The old man whispered in my ear slightly (even though he wasn't there), "Yes this IS happening." She dragged me to her chambers.

It took everything I had in me to pin her down and look her in the eyes, but what I saw wasn't what I had wanted to see. What I had WANTED to see was pure joy and ecstasy. I saw pain. She looked away. I turned her head. She closed her eyes. I kissed her lips. Her eyes widened with the same pain, and she looked away.

"You were gone for so long, you estupid idiot," with the most heart breaking sadness, as she held me, as if I could disappear.

"I…I…I…" me stupidly, "I was deported from Mexico back to the U.S. and then I got lost in Tennessee. To be honest, I didn't know you'd miss me."

"What's Tennasí?" She kissed me hard, "I don't want Tennasí to take you away from me ever again you estupid idiot," she kissed me so damn hard, I'm telling you.

Her body was perfect. I took off all her clothing. She took all of mine off, and then we just goddam held each other in a giant luxurious bed made out of ivory, gold, feathers, and all this other fancy shit. We made love real quick, because we both needed it, and then we held each other. We took a shower, and had more sex. And then we held each other, in that one bed. She fucked me like only she knew how. We did it every which way and for a couple days and it was amazing. Finally, she buried her face in my awesome chest and cried herself happily to sleep.

I lay there looking out the goddam window, wondering to myself. Really? I mean, really? You like someone; hell you love someone, and they love you back? This doesn't happen. Imagine wanting one person the most, and that one person wants you the most. That's impossible. It had just happened. It was happening.

Hmmmm. As a religious ole fuck, it made me think of Jesus, as I held the sleeping body of a fucking naked, beautiful, perfect Aztec princess with an ass of a goddess and the most generous and giving breasts. It was like Jesus just came down here, and all he wanted was for us to want him back…not to believe that he existed, necessarily…but to love him, and when we did, Jesus was like in fucking ecstasy.

I had just had ecstasy with this fucking Mexican creature and the erotic explosion could have killed us both, if our love hadn't protected us. I wondered. And then I prayed a shitty prayer: "God protect my shitty self, from my shitty self. Please protect this wild, Aztec princess Karina that loves me for some reason. I love her back. I know I'm shitty. And I know she's probably shitty too, but please forgive us our sins. We'll forgive whoever fucks with us too. Lord, I don't know how to pray, but I figure I'm just talking to you, so, I love you and thanks for all this crazy shit. I love you more than I love this fucking Mexican tigress. Let me know what to do whenever you want to Lord. I'll fucking do it, not because of what I have, but because you love me, and I love you. You know how when two people love each other and they do stuff for each other? Ya you know. Anyway. You saved us. I'll do anything. I promise. I love you a lot God. I'm ashamed. I'm always ashamed, but I'll try not to be because Jesus died like hell on that horrible cross for all my shit. I'll try to be grateful. Help me however you can and however is fair. Please protect my loved ones. I love you. I just want to say I love you. I love you. Amen. Bye."

I lied there. That damned Karina slept like a baby. She let go of her grip on me, and rested upon me, as if she now knew that I loved her just as much as she loved me and that I wasn't going to leave her––––as if something was now comforting her. I wondered in my soul.

I stared at her nipples. I looked over and checked out her ass. She was tan. I kissed her everywhere, while she slept, and I wondered if that was some kind of rape, even though she loved me. I put that thought away. Dumb liberals always trying to make me think something right is something wrong. I laughed. I looked out the window again. I wondered in my soul. I fell asleep.

I dreamt something awesome.

"Wake up Daniel. Wake up."

I sure as hell woke up, when those beautiful wind chimes sang, "Good morning, princess." I looked at her. She was on her knees naked at the foot of the bed. Her breasts hang perfectly, and I couldn't quite see her vagina, but it was there. Her dark hair hung so great around her sun dried shoulders. Her eyes were there gleaming golds, greens, browns, blues, and reds all over the goddam room. Her lips sang. Her ears heard the secret songs of angels. Her nose…her nose…her nose was mine, along with everything else.

"My prince. I'll be right back. I'm going to bring us some fucking fruit to suck on, ok?"

"Princess, before you go, I have two requests."

"Granted. Fucking granted! I'm so happy you're back. You can have anything you want. I don't give a shit what it is. I don't care that I don't even know what it is yet. I say yes. You can have it!" She smiled brighter than the old man himself. My heart beat, as if it were more alive, just to see her.

"Hell! I love you! I'm so happy to see YOU! I'm such a fool. My two requests, I want a kiss, and I want you to lick some words into my unworthy ears––––––any words." I looked at her, as if she might say no, or as if she might disappear. Damn it God! You can make some creatures! They're too lovely! What is happening on this weird planet!!!???

"Granted," she slithered over (and now I could see her vagina; it was still there), and gave me a perfect peck. She gave me another gift, before slithering words into my ears: she stared me square in the eyes. Oh her eyes! She just stared for years upon years and eons upon eons, and my heart was my whole being, and I didn't breathe forever. Her eyes were so beautiful. "OK," she said, "come here," and she licked the loveliest of rhymes, the loveliest of poems, the loveliest of flutters, the loveliest of words into one of my ears, and that was it. It was all complete.

She jumped off the bed, and made her way to the door, as I checked out her ass and back and legs. She paused at the door. She looked back and killed me with her beautiful face, "tell me you love me estupid."

"I love you," I smiled stupidly.

She smiled perfectly. She blew me a kiss, "Ahorita vengo," and she was out the goddam door.

"Wow!" I breathed aloud and fell back onto the bed. I was still naked, and my hair was still perfect.

"Danny."

"Holy shit!" I sat up, "You guys scared the shit out of me!" The old man and Guillermo were in the room. I didn't cover up my dick.

"We're back, and we're happy you're happy. Happiness is fleeting. Be content, and be thankful for any happiness. Sometimes sad times come, but happiness is good too. God loves you. We'll see you later. You won't ever separate from your new wife ever again, we promise."

"Well goddam, thanks guys. You guys are good. You guys are good friends."

"Only The Teacher is good. Be good dude. We'll see you when you get deported back to the U.S. again, and then you'll bring your princess. Things will happen."

"I love you guys. I'll miss you guys."

"As if we won't miss you Danny! We love you. See ya later dude."

"See ya guys!"

The old man snapped his fingers three times and nothing happened. Guillermo looked at me, and we both laughed, and then they both disappeared.

I lied back again, with my hands behind my neck. God was good. I knew I'd be poor again, somewhere sometime, and I hoped that I'd still think God was good. As for now, I was rich and a Mexican prince, with the most beautiful wife. I pondered. I wondered.

I got a little depressed thinking about everything in the world. I got sad. I got happy. I loved. I hated. I held my poor, beat heart. I wondered. I thanked Jesus. I wondered…

Everything is near and so far, I thought to myself, and I began to cry–––––––uncontrollably, but sweetly and deeply, and it felt so damn good, and I thought about Jesus and my family, and I cried some more.

And then that lovely ass walked back into the majestic room. I was in love. I had never thought I'd see her again.

Blood and Juice Boxes

The sirens were blasting my ears completely off, and they made my brain go completely haywire. It was as if my brain was made out of electrical activity, and it was being shorted out. Oh wait... anyway...

THE SIRENS: "WAH! WAH! WAH! MASH! MASH! MASH! WAR!!! BOGEY! BOGEY! BOGEY! WASH! WAH! WASH!"

I couldn't make out what it was trying to tell me.

I grabbed my scary head with both hands, clenched my eyeballs with my crazy eyelids, and threw myself against the Red Cross bus. I hunkered down. The goddam bus was still pumping out blood for the wounded. Other than my ears being blasted off and my head, brain, mind going crazy, I was in great condition! I could give some blood, to help.

I opened my crazy eyes to see fourteen North Koreans and seven Iranians about one hundred yards away—they trained their muskets in my direction––––sons of bitches. OK. I shouldn't talk that way about their mothers.

My legs hurried me over and behind the bus, as the bullets with their own minds began flying toward the poor blood bus and me.

BING, BANG, CLASH, BING, BING, BING, BANG, BANG, BANG!!!

I touched my body everywhere––no hits on me. I looked at myself with my eyes and perceived with my mind: I was dirty and bloodied (with other people's blood), but I was unwounded–––just really dirty and stinky.

I saw the bastards loading their shitty guns and made a run for it. I jumped inside the blood bus. Inside there were two dead people, one person giving blood, and the doc.

"I can give blood!" I shouted over the sound of the war outside; bombs were exploding, bullets were flying, bings and bangs cried out, and death cackled like a hyena; death was a murderous hyena!

I saw a shuffle behind the doc; someone was huddled up in a corner of the bus. I looked questioningly at the doc.

"It's the President of the United States! Hide him over there behind you!"

The president hobbled over to me, and I stuck him in a cubby, "Hello Mr. President!"

Just then, the doc finished with the person giving blood, and as the donor stood up––

A thunderous, deafening sound, and then…SMASH! EXPLODE! BASH! BOOM! The back of the bus was torn off like a piece of bread from the Olive Garden; jets ran away in the sky like cowards; the doc was gone. The donor was gone. The two dead people were even deader now. The president cowered and whimpered behind me. I stared in shock, but nothing would shock me as much as what I would see next.

A girl was running toward the bus! As I looked at her through one of the blood stained windows, everything was in slow motion. She was so clean. She was wearing a lovely hat and had long, shining mahogany locks. She was so clean. She had magical, green and gold eyes, and there was no war in them. She wore a brilliant, yellow frock that matched her eyes and flowed above her knees; her legs were so smooth and clean and bright and shining. Her sandals were faithful and clean, as she ran elegantly toward me. I bet her name is Sarah Price, I thought.

The idiots across the way were loading their guns again, but they were stunned by the sight of Sarah, so they didn't do much for a second.

She jumped into the bus, and we were face to face.

"HI!"

I just stared into her eyes. I tried to hide in her eyes. I had been in this war for too long, and I was tired.

She put her hand on my shoulder, "HI! Are you OK?!"

I looked at her hand in awe, and then I muttered, "Th…the…the pres…the president."

BING, BANG, TINK, BING, CLASH outside.

"Sorry! Hi! I'm Danny! I'm a little outta sorts, but I'm good enough, but I suppose it depends!"

"I'm Sarah! Sarah Price!"

"Wow! OK! You're so…clean!"

She laughed, "Is there anyone we can give blood to, or is it too late? We can drive the rest of this bus out of here, if we need to, don't you think? What president?"

The bastards outside were slowly advancing on us. I stuck my fist out the window for a second and shot a couple rounds in their direction to slow them down.

"We have the President of the United States here!"

We rushed over to him. He was nodding off, and he damned well looked purple––for God's sake––even though he was black!

"He's dying! We need to save him!"

We carried his limp ass body to one of the beds that was still left; we could see he was bleeding out. We stopped the hemorrhaging. He wasn't bleeding any more, but he didn't have enough blood to live.

The damned sirens shook my soul again, and I thought I was a lost cause, but then Sarah shook me, "I need you!" I snapped out of it, "I'm here to give blood! I ran over here to give blood, to help! The president needs it!"

"Me too! OK! Sit down against the bed," I grabbed some empty blood bags, iodine, and needles, "Looks like the reserve blood bags were blown away!" I grabbed her arm, cleaned it (even though it was already super clean) with iodine, stuck her with the needle, and then I hooked it up to the bag, "Squeeze your fist a bunch of times! We don't have much time!" I shot a couple more rounds out the window, "Now you hook me up!"

Sarah cleaned my dirty arm, iodined me, stuck me, and then hooked up the blood bag. I looked down at the ground and started feeling depressed. Sarah put her amazing free hand on my cheek. I looked into her crazy eyes. She smiled at me, "Now squeeze your crazy hand."

We sat there, against the bed, squeezing our hands, while holding hands, filling up blood bags with blood. Finally, the bags were full––we were exceptional blood givers.

We pulled the damned needles out and stood up. We were both quite dizzy and almost fell over each other, but we held each other up somehow. We hooked up the president to our blood, one bag per arm.

We stumbled to the sitting area, hand in hand.

"Is there any hope?" One of us asked. We looked out the window and saw the advancing enemy. I bet they knew the president was with us.

"One way or another, I bet it's all going to be over soon," one of us said, as I shot my last rounds out the window, willy-nilly.

Dizzy, holding hands, and uncertain about the future, we looked out a window of this blood bus. The skies were gray, it was starting to rain. Torn and ravished buildings, surrounded by the lush green, greenery of magnificent trees and over-grown, beautiful grass, surrounded us––not to mention the enemy. We stared out that crazy window, watching the enemy advance. I looked into her eyes to escape the war, and then we kissed forever—two pale faces, two pale lips, two sets of closed dreaming eyes, two minds minding each other, and tears mingling.

She held one of my hands with both of hers, and she just stared at my hand, while she caressed it.

I looked out the window and saw a green rumble. I looked at the enemy, and the flashes of their weapons were directed at us, but the bus protected us. I looked at the president, and he was less purple. The green rumble was getting closer; it looked like a herd of green monsters, and then the enemies' flashes were directed toward the green rumble. One by one, the enemy began to fall, as fire came from the green rumble at them.

Sarah's head was on my shoulder, and we were both crying, uncertain of what the future held.

"We're gonna be OK, Sarah! The Marines are here!" She looked up, and we could see a swarm of Marines taking over the scene.

We were calm as we watched. I looked to my left and saw a box full of juice boxes. I grabbed one and stuck the straw into it. I nudged Sarah, "My lady? A juice box?"

She smiled through the tears, "Why thank you, sir––much obliged," and she rewarded me with a kiss on the cheek.

I grabbed a juice box for myself. We toasted to each other and drank heartily.

Sarah looked into my eyes, and she could see the war was ending.

"It was beautiful meeting you over blood and juice boxes," one of us said.

And then we kissed and held hands forever.

Two Angels and One Archangel

I had already died a long time ago. Time in heaven was weird. You see we're always waiting for another second, another minute, another hour, another day to go by—not so in heaven. Time is different in heaven. There's never another moment, neither one past, nor one coming up. Everything and all just is.

So, I had my hands in my pockets (and in heaven you don't even have hands or pockets), and I was walking around, just saying hello to folks.

The angels kind of keep to themselves, because they're a little bit different; we don't quite understand them, and they don't quite understand us. There is a lot in heaven that is not quite understood. I thought that once I got to heaven I would know everything. That wasn't the case.

I slowed down by two angels that were having some kinda argument. Sometimes, if the angels noticed that you were listening to them, they'd fly off somewhere to the Angel's Lounge, so that you wouldn't listen to their strange conversations.

"Hey shhhh Billy. Let me grab a cigarette," one angel whispered to the other, as I walked by in my heaven outfit.

"Man motherfucker, I ain't got no cigarettes, and I ain't had no cigarettes for a long time now, and you know that," the other was annoyed.

I bent over and picked up a bug, so that it would seem like I wasn't listening to them.

"Well, I want a cig man. Do you think we outta stop smoking?"

"Shit dude, if I got a cig right now I'd smoke it, but it fucking sucks. Once I start smoking, I need one to go to sleep."

"Ya, me too. Fuck."

"Let's go ask Gabriel if he has smokes. He's in and knows whoever to get smokes all the time."

"Ha ha! Yous crazy. You wanna ask an archangel for a smoke? He gon beat our asses you dumb ass."

"Man, I'm tired and now that you bring it up, I want a smoke. Fuck it. Let's ask him and be respectful."

"I'm in."

"Hey human," the second angel was addressing me—fuck.

I picked up a Lady Bug and turned, acting as if I hadn't been listening, "What do you angels want? What do you want? Go mind your own business. I'm trying to admire the bugs here can't you see?" I had to act annoyed, because humans were a little higher on the totem pole in heaven.

"Hey we mean no disrespect. We're gonna go get smokes from Gabriel, and we were wondering if you'd come with us. Gabriel is nicer when we're with humans. Do us a solid?"

I had to keep acting annoyed, "Man, I don't even fucking smoke. Why y'all even smoke? And why y'all wanna go bother Gabriel? He's gonna fuck us all up. Just get some of Jesus' wine and shut the fuck up."

"Nah, homie, we just haven't smoked in a while. Don't make us beg," this was the second angel talking to me the whole time.

"OK. Fuck it. I'm up for some trouble. On one condition: what's y'alls' names?"

The angels looked at each other, and the second one spoke up, "Fuck it. I'm Billy, and this is Jeremy. You know we're not suppose to get to know each o' too good. Yous humans suppose to be mo' respected."

"Man, don't tell me how it is up here. We been up here fo' a long ass time fool," I countered.

"Let's go then?" — Billy.

"Ya man, let's role...how do you guys even know where Gabriel is? He's a fucking big shot," I wondered.

"He's always behind the Angel's Lounge in the alleyway," Jeremy the angel finally spoke up.

"OK. Let's get you guys some smokes, if Gabriel will hook you up."

We walked a ways, we flew a couple million miles, we went through different warp-holes, we passed a millennia of old-school vets, we loved a million women, we flew through space, we made friends, we prayed to Jesus, we were holy, and we finally arrived behind the Angel's Lounge.

"Alright human—"

"Dude, my name is Danny."

"Sorry...Danny, go behind the alleyway, and say hello to Gabriel, and then me and Jeremy will come up behind you, and you'll acknowledge us. That'll impress Gabriel."

"Whatever."

I straightened my suit out. I put my hands in my pocket, and I started whistling 'Wake Up Dead Man," by U2, and I walked briskly behind the Angel's Lounge.

WOW. I saw him. I hadn't seen Gabriel in a long time. It was always awesome in the best sense of the word. He was just a huge fucking spectacular warrior of an angel. He was an angel that could take out an army of angels. I had never spoken to him before. He was surrounded by about five angel women. There were no humans in sight. I knew I was going to be respected because Jesus had died for us, but I was still very intimidated.

Gabriel saw me and instantly turned around and addressed me, "Lord, what are you doing around these parts? Please let me know how I can help you."

WOW. He was totally talking to me, "Archangel Gabriel, no need to call me Lord. Thank you for everything you've done for the kingdom."

"No need to thank me for anything. Always thank the LORD. How can I help you?"

"Oh...," I didn't know what to say. I thought the dumbass normal angels would have showed up by now, "Tell me. What was it like fighting the devil and his demons?"

The women angels giggled, and I felt like a fool. Gabriel looked at them condescendingly and they shut the hell up.  He spoke to me, "It was no joke Danny. They only look for blood and would like nothing more than to see me dead and non-existent. At every moment, they dream for my death, for the death of you, for the death of Jesus, God, and the Holy Ghost. They only have one goal on their minds: death."

"I see," I was terrified all of a sudden.

"Yes. Michael and I must worry about their wellbeing, about protecting humans, and about protecting our army of angels, and making sure that they don't take any more angels or people to their side. So, they only have one goal, and Michael and I have many goals and rules to abide by. So—to answer your question—it's a bitch, but God gives us strength, and we believe in Love, sir."

"I'm impressed Michael...I mean Gabriel! Sorry!" I fucked up.

"It's OK. It happens once in a while. There's only two of us, after all—"

That's when Jeremy and Billy showed up.

"Lord Danny, good to see you again," they both recited at the same time, and I knew they had been practicing that stupid phrase.

I turned hard and glared at them, "No need to call me Lord. I was just on my way out. Please enjoy your Lounge."

And then Billy spoke up, "Oh hello Gabriel sir. We didn't mean to interrupt," and Jeremy gave me a hard look.

Ah poor angels, I thought. They just wanted their damn cigarettes. I turned around.

"Gabriel, fine soldier and worshiper of Jesus, would you happen to have a cigarette or two. I have been drinking Jesus's wine for a couple millennia now, and I am getting a craving for some nicotine. I hope I am not insulting you by asking you," I played it off just fine.

"Lord Danny—"

"Please archangel Gabriel, do not call me Lord."

"Danny, let me send you off with a couple crates of cigarettes for your journeys."

"I would appreciate that."

And so the archangel Gabriel brought out a couple crates of cigarettes for me to take on the road, and I responded to him, "archangel Gabriel, give my best to Michael if you see him. I actually have a date with Jesus and a wife I used to have on Earth; her name is Lise Louiselle Marie Martineau. We are going to have some wine. Do you mind if I use these useful angels to help me carry these crates of cigarettes? I have known Jeremy and Billy for some time now, but if you need to speak to them, I can call other angels to help me."

"Absolutely not, please take Billy and Jeremy. They are fine angels, and I will be calling upon them for promotions soon," and then Gabriel addressed the angels, "Jeremy, please take care and say hello to your mother; you have been a great angel, and I am promoting you soon. Billy, please stop causing trouble and I will not demote you. I have a mission for you soon, and if you undertake it successfully, I will not demote you, and I will even consider promoting you. Do not fail Lord Danny, and if you do he will tell me of his troubles. Take care, all of you. Goodbye."

The angels knew better than to respond, and they simply bowed to Gabriel. Me on the other hand, "Alright Gabriel. Take care, and don't give the ladies too much of a hard time!" He laughed and I laughed, and we waved at each other goodbye.

"Enjoy your smokes Billy...Jeremy," I handed the crates over to them.

"So are you really going to have dinner with Jesus?" Jeremy was cool.

"Yup, Jeremy. I'm pretty tight with him. Listen, both of you, look me up. Let's hang out whenever. You guys are fun guys. I'll talk to you soon, OK?"

"You got it Lord Danny!" They both accidentally jinxed themselves.

"Don't call me Lord Danny—Just Danny."

I Never Asked to be Born! Stations in Life!

I grabbed my skull.  Oh!  I grabbed my skull!  But I didn't quite grab my skull.  I only put both of my hands on my head, and my head was made out of skin, hair, and all sorts of other shit, including a skull and a brain.  In that manner, I grabbed my skull.

And I huddled in a corner.  This corner was in a corner of a dimly lit room.  Yes, there was some light in there.  I didn't know where it was coming from.

What's my name!?  I didn't only ask the question in my head... I shouted it.  Well, my name is Danny Castro, and my name is Daniel Castro on my birth certificate, but I go by Danny.  Ok.  My name is Danny.

I grabbed my skull in the aforementioned manner.  I thought about my brother Ismael and all his wild ideas about light, color, and sight.  On his own, he had figured out that we never really see anything but reflections of light.  I never get to see Ismael Ismael, and Ismael never gets to see me me.  I tightened the grip on my skull.  Let me explain.

The human eye can only see because light shines into it.  If there were no light, the human eye would not be able to see what it sees.  The human eye is a mechanism that picks up light.  That light--and the colors and gradations of that light--is then interpreted by different parts of the brain, and then we "see" what light has reflected.  I'll try again.

If there is no light whatsoever, our eyes see nothing: only darkness.  They see nothing because no light enters into our eyes, and our eyes need light in order to see things.  So, all our eyes really see is light.  So, when there is light, what our eyes see is light reflected off of other things.  The sun shines on different parts of Ismael, and those are the parts that I see, so then I "see" Ismael, but what I really see is a reflection of Ismael.  The light.  Our eyes only see light.

I thought about that because, when I thought I was grabbing my skull, I was really grabbing a bunch of different things.  And when I think I am looking at something, I'm really only looking at the reflection of light off of that thing.

Oh!  Strange things filled my mind.  The room was empty, but there was a dim light coming from somewhere, and I was in a corner grabbing my skull.

All this honesty was thrashing around in my mind.

"What do I do?"  I thought to myself.  "I didn't ask to be born into this."  Outside of the door was waiting my normal life.  I was born in Southern California, and my parents loved me, and it was hard to swallow, because so many people were suffering around the world.

"I didn't ask to be born!"  My mind raged.

I imagined a twelve year old girl born with AIDS in Africa.  There in my corner all huddled up and grabbing my skull fiercely, I thought about her (I also thought about my perfect grammar).  She was poor.  She has had AIDS since she was born, and I forced myself to think hard about this.

She sat in an empty room clutching her skull.  Outside, there was chaos, and there were her siblings waiting for her to take care of them, because their parents were long dead.  The HIV had taken them away.  And her mind raged, "I didn't ask to be born!"

"What is fair?" I thought to myself.  Nothing is fair.  Is it fair that I was born in Southern California to a nice family and she was born in subsaharan Africa with AIDS?  Who the fuck decided to put us where we were born?  Why wasn't I born in subsaharan Africa, and why wasn't she born in Southern California?  Maybe she was?  Maybe I was?  Maybe we were all everybody, and maybe everybody was everybody else!  Why was I thinking so abstractly?  Mark done said, "Love your neighbor as yourself."  Maybe everybody was everybody!

I clutched, and I was losing my mind.  Nobody deserves anything.  I thought hard, and I thought logically.  There must be a god.  Ipso facto, when/how/why/where we were born was not arbitrary, nor meaningless.  Considering the massive implications of all of this, I came to a conclusion.

We are all orphans, to an extent.  What do we deserve?  Almost nothing.  But not nothing.  Something. We deserve something.  For he we are!  We exist!  What do we deserve?  Do we deserve to be rich?  Do we deserve to be poor?  We can't deserve those things, for we had no say in which station we should be born into.  What do we deserve then?  For, we do deserve something.

We deserve love.  Every single one of us deserves love from everyone else.  And we deserve to love everyone.  "Love your neighbor as yourself."  We should be hard on ourselves and on everyone else, in a loving way!  That's the way we should love ourselves and others!

We deserve the chance to be loved.  More importantly, we deserve the chance to love others.

And most importantly, we deserve the chance to be saved.

And so have we been.  Drowning and seemingly without hope for one last gasp of air, we have been saved.

Although it seems that nothing in this life is fair, there is hope and at least we do deserve something and not nothing.  That is fair.

I let go of my skull.  I walked out of my room.  I hugged my family.  I got on my computer.  I sent a couple bucks to whatever organization givewell.org told me to.

I went back to my room.  I closed the door.  I got on my knees.  I was humbled.  I don't deserve any of this.  Hell, I don't even deserve to be alive, probably.  I thanked god and I took George Harrison's advice: "Everything else can wait, but the search for God cannot wait; and love one another."

I heard U2 in the background.

I went back on my computer and thought about true love.