The Color of the Sky: of Angels and Bums

My hands gripped the lip of one of those big green trash cans–––the kind in alleyways or wherever.

My head hung down low between my arms, as slaver slowly dribbled down my lips and out my mouth; my mouth was slightly ajar; my eyes were slightly ajar; my soul was…

I wondered what my hair looked like. I was in an ever familiar alleyway, and at the mouth of this alleyway was the threshold to the rest of the world–––the world that operated by normative behaviors. I tried to look beyond the trashcan, but the light at the mouth blinded me a little; I let my eyes slide down to where they belonged–––looking down.

Oh ya. I had a full bottle of good gin in my pocket–––too bad it was only like a pint. I drank half of it fast, so I could get dizzy faster. Real quick the liquid made itself at home in my gut, and I felt great.

I hid my bottle somewhere on my body and looked into the dumpster (that's what they're called!).

"Hey you! Wake up!" Some girl was sleeping straight up in the dumpster. I felt silly and good. I wondered what my hair looked like.

"Wake up you girl! WEIRD!"

I walked to the mouth of the alleyway. I straightened my clothes and pushed my hair back; I was too bearded I think.

Man, I walked with some swag. I walked hard. I walked upright and straight (in my head that's how I looked). Some magical sparkles settled on my baby blues (my eyes had magically turned blue); they let me see everything at the same time, and everything was beautiful.

Fuck. I gotta go look good. I looked up at the sky and saw millions and billions and trillions of white angels flying around, making the sky white with specks of screaming blues…happy blues…not sad blues, as are common.

Luckily, nobody knew me in this town.

The angels began to sing a One Republic song, so I started dancing down the streets; oh there were many people everywhere; I mean it musta been New Yok or sumthin.

I was happy dancing the streets, when one twirling, falling angel caught my eye. The angel floated and twirled down the sky like a falling feather, but a little faster and more gracefully.

Drunkenly, I stared transfixed and soaked in happiness. I could feel my face having a sagging, drunken, happy disposition. I musta looked like a drunk Disney cartoon. I stumbled back and almost fell before leaning against a damn wall. My drunk eyes followed the angel. It flowed toward me. Its eyes were black.

BAMO. The motherfucker landed right in front of my drunk ass. The people that flowed like a river of flesh avoided us on the sidewalk and thus walked around us.

Me: "Your…your…your eyes are…they're pretty…black huh?" I pointed right into the angel's face.

The Angel: "They are black diamonds. Dance your ass right back to that trashcan. Do you even remember where you were or what you did before you were at that trashcan?"

Me: "Why…yes I do…no I don't…yes, that's right…I don't remember at all. I was just gripping the…the…the…the…the…the trashcan, and I think I was almost gonna puke, but I feel real good right now."

The Angel: "Well, you're almost about to forget everything again. Go back to the trashcan. Finish your bottle and lie down inside the trashcan with the woman. Keep her warm. Didn't you see what she was wearing?"

Me: "Barely anything at all, actually…I think…if I remember, no?"

Angel: "Yes."

Me: "You're beautiful Angel. I can easily dance my way back there."

Angel: "Thank you. You're beautiful too. Now don't fucking ruin this. Hurry up, and get in that damn trashcan before the cops find you. I'm telling you the right thing to do."

Me: "Okay, bye pretty angel with black diamond eyes."

Angel: "Bye Danny. Take care you fool."

Me: "Yes…yes…yes…yes."

I danced fluidly back to the trashcan as the angel made its way back to the amazing ocean of angels that covered our sky. The color of sky was angels. I got to the trashcan and looked in, "Hi weird girl." Oh shit I was feeling pretty drunk. I took the bottle out of my jacket and drank the 75% that was still left in it. I threw the bottle into the dumpster. Getting dizzy (in a good way) I took off my jacket and threw it over the young woman. I found I had another jacket on underneath the one I had just taken off.

I clambered into the trashcan I stood up on the soft trash bags and cardboard; it was all relatively clean; good I thought, very good. I reached over and brought the lids down over us. Just then I heard sirens pass down the street, and then just then after that I heard rain begin to fall, but we were safe. I hugged the woman and fell asleep or passed out or blacked out.

"Wake up, man."

"Huh? Oh hi. Are you okay?"

"Did we…?"

"No," I grabbed my head, "No we didn't do anything. An angel told me to come lie down with you in here."

"You don't remember me?"

"Nope. Are you okay?" I felt better already. Maybe I was still drunk.

She cuddled up, "You'll remember me and everything later. Let's sleep some more."

"Yup," I closed mine eyes, and I was gone into a deep good sleep and she smelled good. Maybe the angel made this a good smelling dumpster or maybe her smell took it all away or maybe it just didn't smell in here.

"Hey," I whispered into her ear.

"Yes?"

"I want to like everything you like."

"I want to like everything you like too."

"Okay. And I want to love you."

"You already love me. You'll remember everything later."

"Do you love me too?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Goodnight."

"Goodnight. We'll be safe. Thank you for not leaving me in here."

"Well, I just listened to the angel."

"Thank you for listening to the angel."

"Did you know angels make up the color of the sky?"

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

The Lieutenant, Hemingway, and Darwin: Ch. 1

Chapter 1

Oh shit, I thought to myself.  I didn't open my eyes yet, as I started waking up.  I didn't know where I was yet, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

With my eyes half closed, I threw my arms wide and felt around for a bottle.  Shit.  No bottle.  I opened my eyes fully and sat the fuck up on whatever bed I was in.  I looked around.  Very good.  Very good.  I was in my quarters.  I stretched out hard, and looked at the clock: 0500 on the dot.

Ok.  Fuck it.  I'll take a break from the bottle, for now.

Hungover or still drunk, I got up and stumbled around for the shower, then I stopped, stood erect, and looked around to see if anybody else was in the room.  There was a body under the sheets in the bed.  Fuck.

Then, BANG, BANG, BANG, motherfucking, BANG, BANG, BANG, at the fucking door.  It startled the shit out of me, and I clasped my ears with my filthy, hungover hands.

"What?" I roared out.

"Second Lieutenant, we're ready for you."

"Son of a bitch!  Just call me Lieutenant, you bastard!  Who are you?"

"It's Sergeant DeMatteo, sir."

"Get the fuck in here, you son of a bitch."

"Yes sir."

DeMatteo stepped inside, ready and dressed for combat, "Second... I mean, Lieutenant?"  He looked away at my impressive nudity.

"Sergeant, sneak the young lady out of my quarters, right now.  I don't give a fuck if anyone sees.  Just sneak her out."

"Did you have a good time last night, sir?"

"You bet I did... Well, I think I did.  Yes.  Yes I did."

"That's great sir.  I'll sneak her out, and we'll be waiting outside."

"Alright.  Get the fuck out of here you son of a bitch Sergeant DeMatteo, if that is your real name," I was more on the drunk side than on the hungover side.

The sergeant grabbed the young lady's clothes, and then roughly threw her over his shoulder, "Sir,"  and began making his way out.

"Goddamnit, DeMatteo, you fucking guinea spic.  Keep it down, and sneak her out, you bastard."

"Yes sir, Second Lieutenant," he smiled.  Her tits were flying everywhere, and she was grumbling, almost inaudibly, and then they were out the door.

Motherfucker that spic.  Goddamn local beauties.  I should be more careful.  I hoped she would be ok.

I made some coffee.  I drank it.  It was black and hot as hell.  I took a bunch of Advil.  I took one Xanax.  I jumped into the shower, shaved, and, standing there, I dozed off a couple of times.  Finally, I got out of the shower and into my combat gear.  I ate some cold, leftover eggs and a bagel, drank some dirty water, walked outside, and got blinded by the sun.

I heard some shuffling, as the small band of Marines I was in charge of came together and made a weak attempt at military formalities.  We had been lost; shot at; starving; and sleepless for a long time--now you know why we were all so tired; it was hard to maintain military customs.  As I waited for my eyes to not be blacked out, I shouted out, "Ten-hut motherfucks!  Attention!"  I rubbed my eyes, and then I squinted until I could see, using one of my hands to try and shade my eyes from the omnipresent sun.

"Sergeant DeMatteo!  Someone speak up!  Where is the Gunny?"  I could see better now, and I saw that we all looked terrible.

"Sir!  The Gunny took thirty men northwest, to look for more men and weapons and to weed out more of the enemy, per your directions from yesterday, sir."

"How many of us are left, Garbanzo Bean?"

"Sir, with the two Privates that just showed up..."

"Fuck.  Go on."

"Sir, that makes eighteen of us, including you."

"I'm in no mood GB.  I'm no mood to hang out with all of you.  We'll be going north.  Contact the Gunny and tell him we'll all be meeting at the rendezvous past the two hills and right of the three trees, but left of the seven goats.  There should be a couple of mansions with electricity and water there, hopefully as nice as this one.  We'll rest there.  The trip is about thirty miles for all of us.  GB you will take the north route; kill all enemy; bring women and children with you, if possible.  If not, kill them.  Bring all weapons you find.  Let DeMatteo know that my orders for him are to bring all enemy and our own POWs he encounters and to kill all civilians.  GB, you take the fourteen men with you.  I will take the two Privates, go northeast, and then we'll turn northwest and meet up with the rest of the company.  Where are those two fucks?"

"Sir, are you sure you don't want a couple extra men, sir?"

"Sergeant Gallo, you take the fourteen men with you and head straight north.  What time is it, anybody?"

"Sir, zero seven hundred, sir."

"Ok, thank you Sergeant."

"Sir, yes sir.  Hemingway!  Darwin!  Sir, see you tonight, sir."

"Be safe, Sergeant.  Thank you."

Two friends came around a corner, dressed in their combat gear and looking fresh and clean, as DB's troop jog-trotted north.  They stopped in front of me and looked straight ahead.  They were still very disciplined.  They must have not been out here long.  Fucking privates.

"I don't mean to put you two in danger, and I'm sorry to your mothers, but it is best if you get a crash course in surviving out here.  No gradual acclimating out here.  You'll die within a couple hours if we take it slow.  You'll probably die during this crash course, but it gives you better odds than slowly learning how to survive this hell hole.  That is why I decided for only the three of us to go west.  Being only three, we are much more vulnerable, so you will have to learn fast or die.  You must be sharp at all times.  You must be stressed at all times.  I need you both to turn into thirty-five year old war-hardened veterans, within a couple days, or you will die.  I'm not going to die, but you might.  So stay sharp.  Fucking Privates.  You have to be kidding me."

"Sir, yes sir," both of them.

"What are you guys fucking best friends, or what?"

"Sir, we're friends sir," Hemingway confidently.

"Private Hemingway, what is your first name?"

"Erne--"

"Never mind.  I don't want to know."

"Private Darwin, is that your first or last name?"

"Sir, I only have one name, sir."

"Well you seem like a depressed fuck, Private Darwin.  Fuck it.  I'm not going to ask.  One of you, tell me how you ended up joining my diminished company."

"Well Second Lieutenant--," 

"Lieutenant.  Call me Lieutenant."

"Sir, we landed about ten miles east of here, about--"

"Shut up Darwin.  Hemingway, tell me what happened."

"Sir, we landed a bit off from here.  Right when we landed mortar fire hit us from every direction.  I saw Darwin on the ground.  I picked him up and threw him over my shoulder.  I ran toward the enemy.  I asked them to fix Darwin.  They fixed him and told me he'd be alright.  They thanked me and went north.  I looked back and saw all of our men dead and in bits.  We went the opposite way of the enemy, and your company found us, sir."

"Interesting," I was spacing the fuck out, staring into the deep blue and bright sky.  "Alright privates.  Give me fifty, and then we'll get going."  They gave me fifty, and then we got going.

The Nun in the Cellar

It was raining so I put on a hooded jacket and a beanie--I fixed the beanie on my head like Enrique Iglesias does--then I turned off the lights and lied down again.  The grey light sifted through my shades into my room.

My homie started banging on the window and yelling to let him in.  I cooly walked to the door that led into my room from outside and said what's up and let him.

"Hey man, I know this big ass Catholic church we can sneak into right now and there's no one there and I know where they keep all the money--let's go rob that shit!"

"No no no.  I ain't robbing shit.  I'll go with you if you want, but I don't want to rob shit tonight.  I'm not in the mood."  I lied back down and stared at the wall and enjoyed the fact that it was raining outside.  I breathed in real deep.

"Ok, well, fuck it.  Let's go!"

I got up, and we went out, and I locked my door.  I felt like horsing around, so I danced around as we walked to the empty church.  It was behind some broken down and abandoned buildings, mostly where bums hung out.

"Shit man," I said, "You should have told me there were bums over here!  I would have come even more than I did come!  I would have been here more than I'm here right now!  But I'm super here now!"  I ran over to one of the bums and shoved her, "Hey!  Tell me something crazy!"

I turned around and saw my good friend walking around to the back of the church, so I left the bum, "I'll be back for you!  You better have some good bum stories for me when I get back!  I'll give you a sandwich!"

I ran over to behind the church just in time to see my friend throw an awesome, big, dark orange brick through a stained glass window.  SMASH!  I picked up a stick and cleared all the jagged glass still left on the frame of the window and we climbed in.  Once inside the church, we high-fived each other.

"This way!" My buddy whispered super fucking loud.

Down some awesome stone stairs we went, and there were candles everywhere lit.

"Why there candles lit, if no one here, dude?"

"Just shut up, dude.  We'll get the money, and we'll get the fuck out of here, and we can pay rent for like three more months!"

"Whatever."  I stuck my hands in my pockets and enjoyed the fact that it was grey and raining outside.  I thought about it as we slowly walked and carefully walked down the stone stairway steps.  I became a poet.

Rain.
Why do I love thee much?
Pain.
Does thou inflict it much?
Not me.
Bring me grey happiness.
Be-ing.
Three, me you do so bless.

We reached the bottom--it must have been the basement of the church or something cool.  My buddy was right in front of me, and then WHACK!  A stick came out nowhere and hit my stupid buddy right in the face and down he went.

"Wow!  You got hit!"

"Let's go!"  My good friend ran away, but I stayed; I stared; I liked the golden light that lit this bottom floor.  A feeble drunk voice spoke to me.

"Are you going to run too?"

"Are you going to smack me too?"

A pause.

"No.  I'm not going to whack you."

"There is so much wine down here.  You sound drunk."

"Mmmmmmmmmm.  I AM drunk.  I think I'll stay this way, but you cannot have the money of the church."

"I don't want the money.  Can I have some wine?  Are you a nun?"

"Good.  Yes, and yes."

"You're a drunken old nun!"

This old nun was wearing the whole nun get-up.  It was great.  She walked over, grabbed a bottle of wine for me, and one for her, and we walked over to some corner of the wine cellar.  We slouched down to the floor and sat on the floor with our legs out in front of us.  We became old drinking buddies within a couple seconds.

"This is great isn't it?"

"Sure it is."

"This wine is great madam nun."

She put her hand frailly on my shoulder; she looked at me gravely; she looked right into mine eyes; the buzz was getting on in my brain; I looked at her; she was old as hell; she had maintained her beauty very well.

A pause... "Well?  Are you gonna tell me something?"  I laughed.

"Because it is literally the blood of Christ, this wine is great."  Her eyes widened, and she nodded at me as if to say, "It's TRUE!"  Her mouth opened a little too.

I laughed, "Hey!  You're drunk!"  And I slapped her back kind of hard.

She laughed good and long, and I did too.

"I AM drunk!  Jesus makes me drunk, sometimes."

"Me sometimes too."