Drugs are fucking crazy! This whole existence is crazy! We're being flung around like motherfuckers around the sun right now! A gigantic fucking rock circling precariously around a star, and here we are listening to Bruno Mars as if nothing crazy is happening. Something crazy IS happening! Woooooo! Put your hands in the air!
Music is crazy like drugs too how it affects even mindless kids! This video is the shit.
Someone once asked me what getting buzzed off of alcohol feels like. I said that it just makes you feel good and happy. How can taking something physical make you "happy?" Weird. Drink like four beers all fast and you're on top of the world! You walk into a bar all sober and shit and you don't wanna make friends with anyone... five beers later, you're best friends with a weird thug dude with tattoos on his head making plans to rob banks! Plus, you're not scared of walking home in the dark in some scary neighborhood. Everything is fine. If you're sad because of something that happened to you recently and you want to feel even more sorry for yourself... have a drink! Pity parties are the best kinds of parties!
I heard heroin is like heaven. Yup, you can take a trip to heaven here on Earth whenever you please. Just don't get caught or overdose or addicted... plus there's probably other shitty side-affects I don't know about.
Do cocaine and you don't want to stop talking and everything is cool and a good idea.
Smoke weed and you feel all nice and drowsy and you get "cool" ideas for movies, books, poems, stories, adventures, poems, music, books, jamming, food, inventions, traveling, philosophy, religion, government policies, food, blogs... no bad days!
Smoke peyote or eat mushrooms or drop acid and you get to see things that aren't really there! Awesome! That is straight up gnarly. We're these creatures that have a sort of intelligence. We walk around this rock we call Earth and find some cool shit and then eat it and presto! Like magic we start seeing all sorts of shit that doesn't exist! What!? This existence is so cool!
Do meth or crack and... well I have yet to find out the coolness about these drugs.
Take some painkillers... feel no pain! Feel the bomb. Sleep the bomb. Have weird cool dreams. Wait? Are you serious? Someone just yanked a fuckin tooth out of your mouth or broke your leg or back and you just have to blast some hardcore painkillers or tranquilizers and you're straight? Amazing! Unreal! What, are we living in some fantasy land or something? You would think so!
Scared? Depressed? Fear of everything? SCARED!?!? NO PROBLEM! Pop some Xanax and you'll be straight as a homophobe! Wait... well you know what I mean. That's right. You're walking down a sketchy ass alley and you're scared as hell for your life. Take two mg of Xanax and drink two beers and guess what? You love that alley and HOPE there's some sketchy fools for you to meet! If they're mean you'll just beat them up or make friends out of them by making them laugh! No worries bro! No bad days!
Finally, do ecstasy and you vibrate with positive feelings and every physical touch is like an orgasm! It's no wonder people take this shit at big music festivals. You get there and sick ass music is blasting and everybody is excited for a sick ass day of sick ass tunes. You're pumped up with all your friends ready to rock out! Then you take the "E" pill and dive into the gigantic crowd to lose your mind and everybody is touching everybody and you have the feeling you're boning everyone in the crowd! And this is happening because you swallowed a mixture of elements that some "scientists" put together from the earth. Simple ass biped walking around like a monkey taking "E" pills and feeling fine. Simply amazing.
None of this even makes sense. It's like a dream where you find a billion dollars and get to bone Mariah Carey (Mariah from the 1990s) but you don't have to wake up and have it all taken away from you. How can such things even be possible? Proof of God's existence I say.
You blast some drugs... you fly straight to heaven (especially if you're boning). The drug wears down as fuck... you are transported to hell: cold sweats ("fuck it's too hot! fuck it's so cold! fuck it's too hot! fuck it's so cold!"), you get seizures, you hallucinate (in a bad way), you can't sleep, you can't eat, you feel sick, you puke, you shit, you can't piss, you twitch, you freak out your mom, you freak out your dad, God's all bummed out on you (maybe He thinks it's funny?), Jesus is crying, you lose your mind, you try to kill yourself, you don't feel normal any more, you think you walk weird, you're all fat, you're all skinny, you don't have any money, you're in jail, you have a bunch of disturbing memories from when you were fucked up (or not?), you boned a dude, you boned a girl, you dropped out of school, you shook hands with the devil.
I'm not being sarcastic. Drugs are unreal and I think they should be legalized for the most part. Quite simply, drugs are unreal--I reiterate to convey the weight of the statement. Unreal! Amazing how you can affect the mind and body so easily. I would easily expect such things to be impossible in the real world; yet, here we are in the real world and it IS possible. I would think in the real world you'd tell someone "Hey I have a pill that makes you happy. It straight up makes you feel good no matter what the fuck you're doing or feeling," and they would answer, "Ya right ya right. I don't believe you." And in that real world it wouldn't be true because it just sounds insane. But here we are in the real real world fucking around and feeling fine. Proof that God exists I say.
"God made beer because He loves us and wants us to be happy." Benjamin Franklin?
Obviously you can die from all these things (except smoking weed--and I am proof that you can't smoke so much that you will die) so you gotta be careful.
I just want to reiterate: drugs are amazing! This whole existence is crazy and amazing! Reality and cognition and consciousness are crazy and amazing! God and the universe are fucking amazing! All this shit that is going down is the most unreal thing that could have EVER happened and yet... it is the most real thing that is ACTUALLY happening. Thanks mom and dad for hooking it up with existence.
If you are grateful for existing and for the chance to do drugs and go to heaven or whatever then I think that you should show your gratefulness. Everybody should go around boning as many people as possible to try and have as many babies as possible to hook them up with existence too. Don't be all stingy and gay with your amazing life creating/giving powers! Whether they live a shitty life or not at least they get to be a part of this unreal yet real thing we call life and in the end get to go to heaven when they die. LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE! AHHHHHHH! Put your hands in the air as we are being flung around like motherfuckers on this rock around a star in a unbelievably vast and mind boggling universe.
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