Anyway, I want to talk about these fuckin' movies man!
SUPER 8 - Was an awesome wannabe Steven Spielberg movie by JJ Abrams (it was produced by Spielberg). What we have here is someone that watched Jaws one billion times and then tried to make the same movie with a different story and script. Job well done! I have never had a problem with artists ripping off other artists in tasteful and respectful ways (as is evident in Long Live Logos music). The main little girl Elle Fanning is gonna be hot as fuck when she grows up. She is not hot as fuck yet because she is only thirteen. It would be bad and wrong to say she is hot as fuck right now. But, I'm talking about the future when she is at least eighteen. If she was eighteen right now, she'd be hot as fuck right now. I doubt she will grow up to be fat and ugly. JJ Abrams is responsible for such great things as TV show LOST, and the new Star Trek joint. Coming up for him is the next installment of Mission Impossible starring Tom Cruise.
THE TREE OF LIFE - Hey Terrence Malick, thanks for making this movie a limited as fuck release. THANKS A LOT! Brad Pitt stars in this epic flick by epic director Terrence Malick. Haven't seen this shit, but I can't wait to see it. He is responsible for Thin Red Line and a new untitled Christian Bale movie that is in the works.
THE HANGOVER PART II - This movie was predictable and shit, but it was still funny and shit. Slow moving here and there. Not as good as the first one. Still a good movie.
X-MEN: FIRST CLASS - This movie was pretty awesome. Kind of in the vein of all the newer darker more realistic superhero movies, but with a brighter feel to it. If Christian Bale was in this movie it would have been way better. This is the Batman Begins of X-Men movies. I really liked the dynamic that was achieved between Magneto and Xavier. Magneto was like a James Dean character and Xavier was a sick leader and they were friends and worked together, but were separated by differing ideologies. So sad. Chill out, it's just a movie.
WINNIE THE POOH - I wanna watch this movie. I wanna see the old gang again. I used to watch this shit with my brothers and cousins when we were little and we'd all pick a character to be. My brother Ismael was Piglet. My brother Sam was Christopher Robin. My brother George was Tigger obviously. My cousin Johnny was Eeyore. Cousin Dave was Roo, and cousin Anthony was obviously Rabbit. And me you ask? I was Winnie-the-Pooh. But, most importantly, I ask you, do you give a fuck? No you don't. Winnie-the-Pooh and Piglet are best friends. Just like Ismael and me in real life. Cool!
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN - Whatever. It was aight. Hot mermaids. Don't wanna talk shit on Johnny Depp's movie because he is cool. It was aight.
BRIDESMAIDS - I was just in a wedding yesterday, but do you give a fuck? No. This movie was straight up awesome and I watched it twice. It's just Kristen Whig being goofy as fuck with her friends and the story line works and is executed well. Funny funny movie! Endearing endearing movie. Kristen Whig is hot in the same way that Tina Fey is hot. I don't know how it is so, but it is so. Those women are hot. Watch this shit ok?
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS - This movie is the sequel to/twin of No Strings Attached starring Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman. No, I do not know who is hotter Ashton Kutcher or Justin Timberlake, but I am leaning towards Timberlake. Ashton is a bit too goofy and shit sometimes, but has an attractive face. Justin's a little cooler though I think. No, I am not gay. Natalie Portman is hotter than Mila Kunis in the end even though Nat has an ugly smile; the ugliness of the smile is endearing and adorable though! It makes me so sad when I see her smile and then I pity her and that just makes me want to hug her forever and tell her that everything will be ok. "Natalie? Natalie, listen to me. Look at me babe. Everything is going to be ok. I love you." I still want to bone Mila Kunis. Friends With Benefits suffers from a couple of super cheesy parts and at times trying too hard to be funny in a vulgar way á la Judd Apatow comedies but completely fails. Most of the time, though, this movie is swell and funny. This is not a shitty movie.
MIDNIGHT IN PARIS - This movie is simply the shit. This movie is fucking great. Woody Allen is brilliant. He does not star in his movie in this case, but Owen Wilson takes over perfectly for him! Owen plays a writer and travels through time and meets badasses such as Hemingway and Fitzgerald. I do not want to say much about this other than you must watch it. Rachel McAdams is hotter than Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis combined (weren't they literally combined in Black Swan?).
TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON - This movie was pretty good. There was an unreleased brand new U2 song called North Star in the movie that made it a little cooler. The new Transformers chick Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is super hot. Shia LaBeouf is a bad ass actor--very quirky and fast talking. Very cool guy. He is not as good as Christian Bale though.
HORRIBLE BOSSES - Really missed the mark for me. I absolutely love a lot of raunchy fucked up comedies like Superbad, 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Bridesmaids, The Hangover I & II, Pineapple Express, Stepbrothers, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Other Guys, Eastbound and Down. This movie, for me, really did not do much for me. I love Charlie Day from Always Sunny..., but the actors in this movie were not the problem. It was the directing and the script that fucked it up. Jennifer Aniston is so hot in this movie. Bomb ass girl.
GLEE: THE MOVIE - I WILL NEVER WATCH THIS MOVIE.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER - A solid movie. Scrawny kid is turned into a tall ass buff ass dude that is a good guy. Leads around normal dudes that are warriors and kicks some ass. Good addition to The Avengers storyline, tying in a lot of shit that will go down in The Avengers movie and ties in the other characters. Entertaining movie.
COWBOYS AND ALIENS - This was a great movie, but I think it would have been an even better movie if it had a better title. The title kind of makes you think the movie will be hokey, when in reality it is a serious western, action movie with a good script and story. Sure, we're all thinking "how the fuck would cowboys beat aliens?" Don't worry about it so much! Jon Favreau is a great director (Iron Man, Swingers, Made). The actors in this movie are as top notch as they come and the whole thing is just fun and crazy.
HARRY POTTER - I have never seen or read any Harry Potter. I have decided to watch all of the movies and have also decided that I will like all of them.
30 MINUTES OR LESS - Was half cool and funny, and half whatever. I love Jesse Eisenberg, Aziz Ansari, Danny McBride, and Nick Swardson. So, hell, I would recommend this movie for the cast alone. Cool ending.
CONAN THE BARBARIAN - Lots of action.
RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES - James Franco is cool and Frieda Pinto is the hottest Indian girl I have ever seen. So hot. I love her. I love her so much. This movie was so good. It's just fucking rad in general. There was a part I especially loved, when the first smart ape is in ape prison surrounded by normal ass apes and then he looks up at an orangutan and, unexpectedly, the orangutan shoots some sign language at him! He's not smart smart yet, but he knows sign language and the first smart ape communicates with him. Must watch.
THE HELP - A movie about the hardships of southern black women in the 1960s, but really it's about a white woman and how great she is for wanting to help black women. Someone turned a story about the plight of black women into a story about how great a white girl was for trying to help the help. I'm being cynical. The movie was pretty sweet. I shed a tear here and there. Good acting and there is just something about that Emma Stone bitch huh? It's like she's not that hot, but she's hot or cute or some shit. She's just so appealing. She's not pretentious and seems very down to earth. Blah blah blah she's probably a dumb bitch. Just kidding. I like her, but don't tell anyone. I'll tell you who's hot as fuck hands down no doubt about it though! The antagonist in this movie Bryce Dallas motherfucking Howard. Sheesh, what a babe. She plays a racist bitch, and does a great job at it (probably because she probably got acting tips from Christian Bale when she played his girl in Terminator Salvation). She is hot hot hot. I would marry her if she would have me. I love you Bryce. She was also in Lady in the Water and in Terminator Salvation with Christian Bale.
CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE. - I loved this movie. It seems to be long as fuck, but that was ok because it was just rad. This movie stars Steve Carrel, Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, and Julianne Moore and the script just rules and I am inclined to believe that Steve Carrel was given liberty to fabricate his own lines often which are always great. He plays a familiar role he is good at á la 40 Year Old Virgin, and Emma Stone plays her cute adorable character that I am inclined to believe is the way she really is in real life. There is a cool/funny twist toward the end of the movie that keeps the movie flowing. There is a hilarious segment where all the characters in the movie accidentally meet. I love how all the main characters are somehow connected though none of them know it. I really really liked this movie and especially because it did not exude pretentiousness and it didn't feel like it had anything to prove. It felt natural and fine. Gosling's character is bad ass. Good good movie. You must watch it. You'll like it. This movie makes life a little less terrible than it really is. It makes life a little more beautiful.
Watching some movies is fun and a lot of times they help elicit emotions out of you that can help you deal with life; at times, movies can be very important in your life. I am reminded of a story a friend once told me about himself. His mother, whom he was very close with, passed away around the time the movie Big Fish was a new joint. He told me he was detached from emotion when his mother passed away--he didn't cry and maybe just didn't know how to process what had happened or maybe didn't know what or how to feel. He loved his mother and he missed his mother. Some time passed and he ended up going to see Big Fish with his girlfriend. At the end of the Tim Burton directed film he broke down and cried uncontrollably, mourning his mother for a while after the movie ended, sitting through the credits in an empty theatre with his girlfriend until the lights came on. That movie gave my friend a priceless gift--perhaps a beautiful release--and, forever, he will love that movie and it will always bring him closer to his mother--bring her back to him until he himself passes away into the next life to join her in heaven. The movie freed my friend's emotions and, like rivers, they flowed to soothe his soul, to ease his mind, to mend his heart. Big Fish turned out to be very important to my friend.
Movies can make you laugh. Laughter is such a beautiful and important thing. Gut busting, painful, uncontrollable laughter is good for the soul.
Movies can make you feel a certain way that can influence you to make decisions for good or to put things in perspective and also make you think about life. Sometimes movies motivate you to think about things you wouldn't generally think about. I might just be making excuses here so I won't feel so bad about watching so many movies, but I do not think so. Art has impacted human nature since the beginning of human nature. A final note, I think I might be smitten with Emma Stone. No. Scratch that. I AM smitten with that bitch!
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