Give Blood Unlike A Vampire

I decided to be the opposite of a vampire at school and give blood. Why? Because I saw the big ass fucking Red Cross bus and every time I see that bitch I feel guilty if I don't give blood. That's right, I don't give out of the goodness of my black, greedy, shitty, strong, cool heart. I give to combat the shitty person I already am so I won't be as shitty a person I am already. And what the fuck man? People that can give blood should give it (even if you're a pussy about needles and have anxiety)! People out there need this shit and you can give it and make your own blood back all fast and shit... Just a little lightheadedness is all you get, asshole!

So, I've put this shit off for a minute because of my panic attacks and anxiety but I said fuck it today. "Stick me with the needle Doc! Let's do this!"

I drank a shitload of water right before going into the damn bus and had to take a mad leak right when I got in :( I'm so dumb. And my anxiety started to rise gradually but forcefully--that little monster in my head, "Ñññññaaaaa seeee, boo! Something might go wrong Danny! Be afraid... Be very afraid!". But the strong me in my head was cool, "Fuck it Danny. If you die, well, you had a 'beautiful ride.' You're almost 30 so don't be a whiny bitch. You've had a better life than most people that have ever existed in the history of the world!". Geeee, thaaaanks strong me.

I jumped into the Red Cross bus and I was happy to find that the nurses in charge of the joint were very typical.  All of them were wearing miniskirts with tiny button up shirts that their bodies were trying to get out of and they were all wearing high heels.  They were all super hot.

"Sir, have you ever had AIDS or HIV or been to Mexico in the last five years, or had sex with another man since 1970 or ever?"

"Nope."

"Okay, you can give blood then."

"Cool."

"Please sit up here and give me your arm.  Then go ahead and lie down."

I sat where I was told like a shit-head, "Should I take off my shoes?"

"No."

So I chilled back and gave her my left arm and she stuck me with a needle and I wondered what it felt like to do heroin.  The nurse taking my blood fluffed my pillow for me, accidentally putting her breasts in my face super hard, and said, "Just relax."

I relaxed, but about five seconds later I freaked out.  I looked over to where my blood was accumulating and noticed that I had already filled up half a gallon and my blood was pouring in faster than I drink beers.  Black spots started appearing everywhere and I blacked out.  When I came to, I had tubes going into my body feeding me blood and I felt like I was getting stronger and stronger by the second.  A super hot nurse came in.

"How are you feeling Danny?  We accidentally jacked a shit load of blood from you and blacked you out.  You're at a hospital now and we're pumping your shitty blood back into you, but we're going to keep the pint that you were going to donate initially."

I spoke in a slurred manner, "You're hot.  Y'all fucked me up and almost killed me!"

"I know Mr. Castro, but we're sorry and to make it up to you the doctor told me I should have sex with you or give you a blow job.  How does that sound?"  The doctor came in behind her.

I guess I was too mad about almost dying or maybe I still wasn't thinking straight, but whatever it was, I stood up and punched the doctor and said, "Aha!  Fuck you doctor!"

The police that are always parked outside the hospital immediately took me to jail.  I was happy to see Hemingway there.

"Hey Hemingway, what're you in for this time?"

"Ah some bullshit about drinking in public.  I was at a church though."

"Where's Darwin?"

"Mount Everest or some fucking place."

"Ah fuck man, I should have had sex with that nurse instead of punching the doctor.  But at least I gave blood."